The PEN15 Club

… And by the looks of it, it may not be out of the question.

Ladies, hide your vaginas. Paco, hide your expired visa. Poverty-stricken sIngle mothers of the country, hide your welfare vouchers. Kevin Spacey, hide your picnic basket and hiking boots. Because if you don’t, they’ll likely be taken from you.

We here at the PEN15 generally have a pretty good track record for guessing SCOTUS nominees (yeah, we were all over Sandy D.O.), so imagine our surprise when we dropped onto CNN.com and saw someone who only somewhat resembles someone named Edith. In fact, due to a particularly intense Sox game (and when we say “particularly intense,” we mean, “pitched by Bronson Arroyo and therefore unmissable”) we had nearly forgotten about the pending announcement. It wasn’t until we heard Arianna Huffington’s scream from 3,000 miles away that we decided to check in. How dare Bush cast such an ugly cloud over Arianna’s dinner of steamed baby carrots and side of biodiesel?

Anyway, we needn’t discuss our disappointment ad nauseam - we will all have heard enough of how awful this is as soon as Barbara Boxer finds a microphone, some collagen, and a heavily-filtered news camera. But to put this in perspective, if John G. Roberts is confirmed (which is all but certain) we will likely be in our late fifties by the time he kicks off, thereby forcing his retirement. I mean, by that time, Rob and I will probably be comforting each other in the late stages of Gay Bowel Syndrome. And with all of that santorum everywhere, who’ll have time to lament over the lost freedoms of the pervious 30 years?

If I had two wishes, I would first wish for a heated and noble fight to keep this tool out of a robe. If I had one wish, though, it would be for the country to not forget about Karl Rove. You remember, right? He’s the evil “Architect” most recently known for committing a felony and then lying about it? Doesn’t ring a bell? Perhaps that’s because since Johnny was nominated an hour ago, CNN.com has somehow found the time to change its front-page photo of Roberts four times - each displaying more red, white and blue than the last - and also found the time to completely do away with any mention of the Rove scandal. Well, the article about the Rare white alligator in legal limbo just had to go somewhere, right?

Sandra Day, save us. Even if that means using your liberal lady powers to prevent Rehnquist from catching some death-triggering illness.

Bush nominates Roberts to Supreme Court [CNN]

Savage Love [Wikipedia]

Homosexuality and medical science [Wikipedia]