The PEN15 Club

Boys, throw our your Polo Blue and Abercrombie Woods, because the poster boy for male heterosexuality, Alan Cumming, has (seriously) released his own fragrance: Cumming. Taking his cue from other celebrities, such as Britney Spears whose nicotine- and placenta-scented perfume got off to a successful start two years ago, Cumming has named the apparently masculine musk after himself, and even he can’t resist the double entendre his name provides. Despite undoubtedly being heckled for his unfortunate surname his entire life, Cumming stars in a ambiguously tongue in cheek Calvin Klein-esque commercial for the manfume, in which he ingeniously uses his own name (of course meaning the fragrance) where one might use the words “orgasming” or “ejaculating.” The spot finishes with a rear nude shot of Alan’s not-so-firm buttocks.

While it is hard to believe the commercial is meant to be serious, the product definitely is. In fact, it appears in Sephora’s online store, noting the scent as a mix that includes whisky, leather, and rubber. Wait a minute - Since when does a gay male need to spend $69 (Really. 69.) on a cologne that makes him smell like booze, latex, and chaps? I, for one, spend most of my money on fragrances that try to mask that smell from emanating from my dirty, dirty body.

Sephora’s store describes the product as “A new look at the classic world of men’s fragrance: combining three distinct talents to create a scent that’s all about Scotland, scotch, cigars, and being sexy. Alan is smart, witty, versatile, and a very sexy man - exactly like his fragrance.” (Versatile?! C’mon. Look at the guy. He’s wearing eye shadow, for God’s sake.) They also ask visitors to check back this fall when Cumming will release a series of scented liquids that make it hurt less when young men try to put things in their butts.