The PEN15 Club

After all, it IS the PEN15 Club, and we don’t spend nearly enough time talking exclusively about the namesake of this site.

So, I was doing a little, uh, research on a problem that, uh, runs in someone else’s family, and I ran across this article and laughed for a solid four minutes. And then I cried for completely different reasons.

This nice guy is lamenting about having an annoyingly large penis. First of all, the fact that he can actually name one problem about having a gigantic schlong that isn’t completely outweighed by all of the virtues is proof that he’s straight. Second, just look at the guy, would you? I mean, there’s something about him that just screams, “I have a donkey cock.” I can’t tell how tall he is, but you just know if you saw that guy walking down the street, he’s bouncing somethin’ of the knees. Is the graph really suggesting he’s sporting 12.25″ of muscle rope? Is there some correlation between how saggy and striking your facial features are and how saggy and striking your man tube is?

I mean, if a guy who looked like this ended up next to me at the urinal, I would have to think on my feet pretty quickly. I’m not as dumb as the dudes he talks about in his article - I’m far less straight forward. Instead, I’d probably say something brilliant like, “Water’s sure warm over here!” and as his eyes well up with tears of laughter, I’d whip out my sketchpad and capture the monster on paper for all eternity. Or maybe I would just take out my pan flute and hope I can charm it over to my side of the divider. Or try to trap it inside a jar with a piece of paper covering the lid. I don’t know. There’s a lot to be worked out.

I’d like to make it clear that I am not some horn dog just jonesing to see dick whenever possible. I’m really just curious to see such a marvel. It’s why people drive from across the country to see Redwood National Park. There are plenty of big trees near by, but you just want to marvel at the biggest God had to offer. Which is precisely why I’m so upset this guy didn’t include a picture with his article. In the name of good journalism, you wouldn’t write about great ships and not show the Titianic!

Thoughts?

Having huge penis not so great [The Phat Phree]