Amidst the Demi and Ashton marriage news, a far larger catastrophe occurred today: Kathy Griffin filed for divorce from her lovable tub o’ hubby, Matt.
I’m now finding it exceedingly difficult to make this post funny. Even Katrina wasn’t able to suck the inappropriate remarks out of my cold, black heart -¬†but I now find myself lost for words. I mean, why couldn’t another former president die? Or a high profile religious figure? Or someone infamous for a ridiculous amount of alleged assfucking?
But in a world of increasingly ludicrous Hollywood marriages, this seemed as if it were the one that made the most sense. I mean, we all knew they didn’t have sex. After all, he’s a bit tubby and probably got tired of looking at his own reflection in Kathy’s highly-glossed, taut forehead. And it’s more than likely that, with all of her plastic surgery, she sewed her vagina shut a long time ago. But still. The way she forced the assistant to cut his hair and made him follow her around like an obedient shetland sheepdog shows that they had what marriage is supposed to be - an arrangement by which the more homely one lives in the shadow of the more famous one ad infinum.
Then again, if I had to look at this wedding picture every day, and then help my now-obese husband strap weights onto his ankle so he could qualify for gastric bypass, I too might eye those divorce papers. I wonder what Rene Zellwegger will send this time, now that she and Kathy are sisters of coincidence…
There are them inappropriate words.
The photo posted here — ostensibly Kathy’s wedding photo — is a bit odd: although their wedding took place 4.5 years ago, Kathy looks THE SAME now as she did then and hubby looks like he has aged 15-18 years.