The writers of “Desperate Housewives” are rumored to be making another terrible decision. The Enquirer claims (as it does) that at the end of the show’s slumpish sophomore season, Marcia Cross’s character, Bree Van De Kamp, will be killed off to “give the show a much-needed boost.”
If by “much-needed boost” they mean “a way to get out of writing a third season,” they might actually succeed, as Bree is one of the few reasons the show is worth watching anymore (and it will stay that way until they bring back Andrew’s make-out sessions with Ryan Carnes.)
It’s been a few days since we’ve done a humorous list about “DH,” so here you go, bitches.
Ways the writers of “Desperate Housewives” might kill off Bree:
- Turn on the heat
- Put a camera backstage and devise a way to get her and Terri Hatcher in a room together with only enough tater-tot casserole for one person
- Make it look like Edie is the one dying until Bree is shot in the last 30 seconds by a resident of a rival town
- George gives her AIDS. Damn! That dude’s evilness never stops delivering!
- Andrew starts dating a boy. A Jewish boy
- While sneaking through her house to find something completely irrelevant, Susan accidentally blows out Bree’s pilot light. Oh, that Susan!
- Dehydration as a result of outrageous case of explosive diarrhea
- New character: a machete-weilding Janice Dickinson… gives Bree the bird flu
- Bree commits suicide after a terribly-disfiguring accident involving Jesse Metcalf’s chest wax
blocks inklings:locations lazybones partial trademark premeditation,