Okay. New section. AC: Crazy (or, Anderson Cooper: Crazy).
There are just way too many tidbits out there that prove my theory that our boy, Andie Cooper, is going batshit crazy before our very eyes, to not make a new category for compiling said evidence.
This week’s installment of AC:Crazy comes from the front page of CNN.com, in an article by Anderson called “The Problem with Vacations.”
Does anyone actually take vacations anymore? Pack up the wife, Alice, and the kids, go to the Grand Canyon, get lost, meet an Indian boy named Jimmy?
What? I could stomach the reference to the wife without cracking a smile, but “meet an Indian boy named Jimmy?” I went to the Grand Canyon with the family and the only one who met an Indian boy was my Aunt Steven from Fire Island.
Do you think Brad and Matt really want to be frolicking at Clooney’s place on Lake Como? Do you think Al Reynolds enjoys smearing suntan lotion on Star Jones like butter on a lobster at a Jamaican resort?
The answer to the first question is most assuredly yes. The answer to the second question is, “Andie, will you write for us?”
More ridiculousness after the jump.
I’m convinced a big reason I got my own show on CNN was the fact that I kept filling in for people who were on vacation. Now if I leave the anchor chair too long, I worry Eve Harrington will take my place.
Considering the direction CNN is going, I think your bigger threat is Jai Rodriguez
I do love nice hotels. There’s nothing sexier. Perhaps it’s the anonymity of it, the ability to just stay inside ordering room service, watching fishing-lure infomercials all night long.
You know who else like to be anonymous in hotels? Kevin Spacey. And how much of those fishing-lure infomercials can you actually see over the bobbing head of the trick you snagged in the anonymous bar downstairs?
My friend Dave, a computer programmer, is a perfect example: Under constant stress at work, and afraid to take too much time off, he has transformed his bathroom into a Bath & Body Works outlet store. Dead Sea bath salts, lavender moisturizer, mint foot balm.
No snarky comment necessary.
[CNN]
That was a Brady bunch reference!….The Indian boy helped Bobby find his way back to the family after getting lost. Alice was of course the house keeper not his wife.
yeah
Don’t feel bad, Jordan. I’ve never seen an episode of the Brady Bunch, either.
C’mon. I was born in 1982. When dudes talk about “packing up Alice,” I assume it means they’re on meth.
Born… in… 1982…
I’m now officially an old man.
I was born in 1985. Sorry?
Oh, and Anderson Cooper, my favorite newscaster. Here’s to hoping he goes all Heche on us.
Ahhhh Jordan….so bummed that Larry beat me to setting the record ’straight’ with the Brady Bunch reference. I must say…that was a big ‘miss’ on your part. Be careful with the snarkiness towards AC. When references start whizzing over your head, the old ‘glass houses’ adage comes to mind…
That aside, keep up the good work. I still give you an ‘A’.
I’ve seen countless episodes of The Brady Bunch (born in ‘71 here) and I do not recall this alleged Grand Canyon adventure with Indian boys and Alice. Jordan’s (and my own) ignorance of this reference has less to do with age and everything to do with taste. Anderson, on the other hand, is one-hundred per cent certifiable and the decades of sexual repression are coming out (so to speak) a mile a minute. He also writes a monthly column for Details (where that BedBathBeyond anecdote premiered months ago) that he tries to butch up every now and then with war or Katrina discussion — but usually falls back into catty gossip and home decor. (The other two regular Details columnists are super-gay Augusten Burroughs and admittedly bi — and stultifyingly dull — Michael Chabon.)
Bear in mind that, in the Brady Bunch reference, Anderson uses himself as a surrogate for Mike, played by Robert Reed. Who was, of course, gay.