Published by Rob on November 15, 2005
in Films.
Looking ahead to the onslaught of mainstream queer cinema due this November and December, we’re counting down the highlights based on sheer homo-tasticity. Usually, when dissecting the gayest Hollywood offerings, we have to discuss things like subtext and the presence of Julianne Moore. But this year’s movies are overtly gay-themed, with Johnny Depp, Peter Sarsgaard and (duh) Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal among those bringing hunger for cock to the big screen.
7. The Libertine (November 25 in NY and LA) In Restoration-era England, Johnny Depp is a bisexual, thoroughly debauched Earl with a fabulous wig collection. His character’s ultimate yen for Samantha Morton makes this the official bitch-boy of the list. Trailer’s here.
6. The Producers (limited December 16; wide January 13) Technically there are only two gay characters in this film adaptation of the musical adaptation of the Mel Brooks movie. But hey, it’s a musical starring Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick. Can these two famous bottoms make it to the top at the Oscars and the box office? Here’s a preview.
Continue reading ‘PEN15 Club’s Holi-Gay Movie Preview’
Published by Rob on November 15, 2005
in Celebs.
What does it say about the world’s male population that Jennifer Aniston fronts GQ’s “Men of the Year” issue?
It’s nothing new for America’s schnozziest sweetheart to pour out her jilted heart tits-first on America’s newsstands. But has Aniston’s PR machine become so mighty that it can smash the rudimentary penis requirement of what would seem to be an entirely gender-based “honor?”
Yes, and that’s just the beginning. GQ has three separate covers for its MOTY issue, and 2/3 of them are devoted to Aniston and her DL luva, Vince “Motorboat” Vaughn. (The third one features 50 Cent.)
For what it’s worth, Jen looks pretty hot, I guess. Although I’m pretty sure she’s wearing Dr. Tobias Funke’s cutoffs. Could it be that Brad dumped her because she’s a never-nude?
Jennifer Aniston snags GQ ‘man’ of the year [MSNBC]
Aniston has a TMI moment with Vanity Fair [PEN15 Club]
In defense of Vaughniston [PEN15 Club]
Does that mean Vince Vaughn is gay?[Malcontent]
We’ve gotten a few emails claiming that there are reports of Katie Holmes miscarrying, and resting in an LA hospital. I haven’t found much online to confirm this, but the bitches at Datalounge are already feasting on it.
There comes a time in every young blogger’s life that he has to make a decision: How do you report on the possible loss of a fetus you never actually believed to exist? Do you take the high road and douse the rumors in false sentiment, possibly making your readers very, very uncomfortable? Or, do you say how you really feel and risk offending the one hausfrau that stumbled onto your site while Googling “santorum”? After all, losing a baby is a terrible thing, but lying about having one to begin with is pretty damned bad, too. We’re working off that hypothesis for the time being.
Further reports suggest that Katie was seen burning what appeared to be some sort of a contract shortly before admitting herself to the hospital. We’ve been privileged to witness Katie trying to “act” in love for the past eight months; now the world will really get a whiff of her potent talent as we get to see Katie’s version of “distress.” But really, do you think she’ll be able to pull it off while trying to stifle the world’s biggest grin from shooting across her face?
Katie, dear, we hope putting on the lbs for this role was worth it. And when I make out like a bandit tomorrow over the office jackpot, I’ll have you to thank.
One thing’s for certain. Cruise’s new publicist doesn’t fuck around. That, or this was planned from the beginning - And it totally worked. We all think Ms. Cruise is straight now, right? Anyone?
Updates to come…
Cosmo thinks Jack Osbourne is cute enough to put on the centerfold. While we do find him adorable, we were far more interested in the secrets behind the photo. Click the thumbnail to see a larger image before playing.
- How many crosses are there in this picture?
- Can you spot two bread plates?
- How many landing strips does Jack have on his body?
- Cosmo had to edit out a) the tip of his schlong hanging below the cross, b) teeth marks on his inner thighs, or c) parts of the tattoo on his right pectoral, which used to read “Ben Savage times my orgasms.”
- There are 16 piercings in this photo. Can you find all of them?
- There’s a tattoo somewhere on Jack that reads “JO” when it’s cold out, and “JUST MY KIND OF HO” when Jack’s, uh, happy. Can you spot it?
- Jack’s knees are smiling because they a) are used to being pressed to the floor, b) can finally look up and see Jack’s face rather than the underside of his belly, c) just got some pussy.
- There are seven pubic hairs in this photo. And they’re not in Jack’s teeth. Can you find them?
Published by Rob on November 13, 2005
in Films.
Without even bothering to wait for weekend box office estimates to be reported, incompetent FOX News entertainment reporter Roger Friedman chalks up the initially so-so response to 50 Cent’s Get Rich or Die Tryin’ to audience distaste for violence (if not onscreen, then around it).
He also posits that “maybe…there aren’t that many 50 Cent fans in the first place,” a point he attempts to prove by claiming “there is currently no soundtrack album on the Billboard Hot 100.”
Of course not, you douche. The soundtrack just dropped Tuesday, and the chart hasn’t been published yet. If you’d raised your head up from Harvey Weinstein’s buttocks long enough to do the most rudimentary homework, you would have found that the album’s one-day sales predict an opening week of about 300,000 copies sold (putting it behind - eek! - the new Kenny Chesney).
Ironically, Friedman is more or less right: $18 million in five days for the Fitty flick is nothing to write home about. But the idea that an isolated shooting at a Pittsburgh theater that was showing 20 other movies (I’ve been to that theater, and it’s not a pretty scene - gang violence would break out at a showing of Pride & Prejudice) would keep the rapper’s fan base at home is absurd. So is the implied notion that Fitty’s fame is some liberal media PR mirage meant to brainwash square white wannabe agenda-setters like Friedman.
But then, that’s why I don’t get my entertainment news from FOX.
50 Cent discounted at box office [FOX News]
‘Get Rich’ pulled after shooting [CNN]
One day sales: Ride ‘em cowboy! [Hits Daily Double]
Weekend box office estimates [Box Office Mojo]
Gay singin’ cowboy Kenny Chesney is “hurt” by the rumors that he is a homosexual, reports Ireland Online (how did they get the scoop?) in the poorly-titled article “Kenny hurt by gay slurs.” Wouldn’t that suggest that Kenny was offended by the way in which someone called him gay, rather than the fact that someone called him gay to begin with? Perhaps the Irish are wittier than we all imagined.
Kenny goes on to say that the rumors stemmed from the breakup between him and ex-wife Renee Zellweger.
Kenny, darling. It wasn’t the fact that you broke up with Renee that makes us think you’re gay. It’s the fact that you married her in the first place. That, coupled with the puka shell necklace in this photo; the pink sleeveless, blue lei, and curtsy in this photo; the glossy chest in this photo; the overly expressive eyebrows in this photo; the man-capris in this photo; the “I just got fucked in the ass for 12 hours” look on your face in this photo; the faggy twinkle in your eye in this photo; and the nut you’re holding in this photo.
Fuck, Kenny! Give me one reason to believe you’re not a ‘mo and I’ll eat crow. Crow, I say!
The best part of the article is when Kenny declares, “They have done nothing short of calling me gay and her a whore.”
What, do you have Karl Rove on your staff now? No one ever called Renee a whore, and you know that. She wasn’t the one coming home every night smelling like another man’s saddle, and we all know that.
Of corse, I generally leave these gay-or-not questions up to my good buddy, Ricky Martin. Ricky?
Kenny hurt by gay slurs [IOL]
Published by Rob on November 11, 2005
in TV.
Just when we learned the shocking truth about Charlize Theron’s character - she was secretly retarded the whole time! - FOX goes and benches TV’s only funny comedy (at this point, do I have to tell you it’s Arrested Development?) for the remainder of November sweeps, and cuts its season order from 22 to 13.
But according to the statement, FOX doesn’t appear to have definite plans to air any more episodes. For the rest of November, the network will air - I’m crying as I type this - a rerun of the previous week’s Prison Break on Mondays at 8. Which means it’s willing to cater to Wentworth Miller fans who only feel like catching the show every other week, but want to see every episode. Or people who want to see each ep twice but don’t have TiVo. Or something.
In January, FOX moves House to the Mondays-at-8 slot, as it had always planned to, but God only knows if it will find room anywhere for the remaining eight episodes of Arrested. Because Stacked and the homophobic The War at Home (which just got a full-season order) and the miserable, Topher-and-Ashton-free final season of That ’70s Show are syndication and Emmy shoo-ins that add so much to the culture and News Corp’s bottom line. (Okay, I realize That ’70s Show has been in syndication for years, but do you really think the kids are gonna snap up that eighth-season DVD once it comes out?)
In a crushing bit of editorial whimsy, Variety’s coverage of this story also notes that Freddie Prinze, Jr.’s ABC sitcom has been picked up for a full-season. And another key battle in the culture war is lost.
FOX sweeps away ‘Arrested,’ ‘Kitchen’ [Zap2It]
Bad news for ‘Arrested’ [Variety]
Update: Reuters chimes in, framing it as a definite cancellation and offering that new episodes will be burned off starting December 5.
Let me see if I can get this straight. I’d like to recount the events of early yesterday morning that resulted in Paris Hilton driving away from an incident that would have landed normally-proportioned humans in prison.
- Paris gets into a Bentley around 2am with boyfriend Stavros Niarchos, and a host of other Hollywood’s-most-hated celebrities. (Does Paris know something about Greeks that we don’t?)
- All of them are apparently intoxicated - Hypnotiq can get you junked.
- The Greek, who’s driving, covers his head with a jacket, slams his foot onto the accelerator, narrowly misses a pedestrian, crashes into the back end of a trailer, backs up, and speeds away.
- Minutes later, the group is stopped by the cops and is asked to get out of the car. One of Paris’s BFFs-of-the-moment (some floozy from “Laguna Beach”) is heard saying to the police that she’s the only sober one. There’s likely an exchange of genitalia flashing.
- In a short time, the group piles back into the car with Niarchos behind the wheel. Paris blows the cops a kiss (”We love the cops”), and the car drives off into the night.
- And it’s all caught on video. Cameras, Paris. Everywhere there are cameras.
Listen to me. There are so many reasons why this woman should be jailed, it’s ridiculous. Why she and her drunk friends were allowed to get back into a car and drive away is beyond me, when I can’t walk through Boston Common sans pants without at least getting a stern talking-to. Maybe the entire thing was staged so estranged best friend Nicole Richie could see that Paris is every bit as durable as the crash-prone Lindsay Lohan.
One thing is for certain. In order to be included in Paris Hilton’s wandering band of drunken whores, you apparently have to be a) eighteen, b) able to show your vagina upon entering and exiting a vehicle without it looking intentional, c) sober only between the hours of 6 and 8pm, and d) reviled by most of America.
Paris car crash caught on tape! [TMZ]
Paparazzi ruled out in Lindsay Lohan crash [MSNBC]
There’s no delicate way to phrase this: Honey, those sunglasses make you look like an alien. And the mega-fetus expanding inside your womb at hyper speed isn’t doing anything to quell the hypothesis.
Katie’s huge! [Oh No They Didn’t]
Published by Rob on November 9, 2005
in Celebs.
Page Six tips bongomaster Matthew McConaughey as People Magazine’s unconfirmed choice for this year’s Sexiest Man Alive. McConaughey, who’s made a career of taking roles that better, more bankable actors had the good sense to turn down, has also frequently been the subject of “spontaneous” paparazzi shots in which he’s carrying a coil of hose (at right), hanging out at the beach or brushing his teeth, all while shirtless.
If this speculation turns out to be true, Matt will join such esteemed former SMA’s as Mark Harmon, Nick Nolte and Patrick Swayze. Good for him. He’s put a lot of money into those abs, and in hiring a publicist smart enough to make sure all his daily shirtless outdoor activities get chronicled in US Weekly.
When The Wedding Planner is one of the less risible items on your resume, sometimes paparazzi shots are all you have to hold onto, and being crowned Sexiest Man Alive is like winning an Oscar. Still, we like to think the folks at People asked Clive Owen first, and that he was too modest to accept. Mmmm, Clive Owen…
He’s man-tastic! [NY Post]
