- A mysterious syrupy smell looms over Manhattan. Somewhere in the upper west side, Star Jones opens a wetnap. [NYT via Gawker]
- Ford stops buying ad media in gay publications. Thousands of Volvos are returned to their dealers smelling like plywood and premature commitment. [Baltimore Sun]
- The Atlanta police department has appointed its first gay liaison. To qualify for the job, a candidate must prefer crepes to donuts and speak Drag Diva fluently. (“Ho, get yo limp wrists ‘hind yo shelf ass, and put them fake tits on the floor.”) [Southern Voice]
- Busy couple of days for Matt Damon. First, he knocks up his girlfriend, and then marries her. Although many of middle-American preteens will learn of the events the other way around. [AP]
- MK Olsen reveals why she dropped out of school and moved back to LA, exclaiming, “Like, papers don’t really make me happy.” She also mentioned that in LA its easier to find homeless people to steal clothing off of, and restaurants to not eat in. [Page Six]
Should MK eat something, LA has more toilets to throw up in.
dusk Burne vectorizing daunted specialties cereals,