- Will Hollywood’s hatred of racism provide a convenient cover for its fear of gays, as the blazingly mediocre Crash comes from behind (and not in the good way) to unseat Brokeback Mountain?
- Will Michelle Williams learn to speak off-script in front of a camera?
- How many times does Maria Bello have to show her vagina in a serious film to even get a nomination?
- Same as above, but replace “Maria Bello” with “Scarlett Johansson,” and replace “vagina” with “rack.”
- What if Keira Knightley had rabies? Could she rip out Reese Witherspoon’s throat with those ravenous-looking eyeteeth?
- How many naked boys are celebrating at George Clooney’s confirmed-bachelor pad tonight?
- Will Spike Lee and Jesse Jackson complain that the only Crash star to get nominated was a white guy?
- Why get Mira Sorvino to announce the nominations, and not someone who’s won less than a decade ago? Does Sorvino sleep with her Oscar? Does she use it as a paperweight for all the scripts she gets sent from Lifetime Television?
- Who will be Jake’s date?
- Will Reese thank Joaquin?
- Will Joaquin black out halfway through the ceremony?
- If Paul Giamatti and Philip Seymour Hoffman win, will they be the least attractive pair of male acting winners ever? At least since Roberto Benigni and James Coburn?
- Did you or do you plan to pay to see Mrs. Henderson Presents?
- Will you still care about any of this in five long weeks, when the ceremony actually airs?
- Do you care now?
I dunno, I think Paul Giamatti is kinda cute.
Blarf. On my shoes, too.
How could I not care about the gay Super Bowl?
I’m a sucker for tv actors getting nominated for Academy Awards, and this year features Felicity Huffman and Michelle Williams. The cognitive dissonance from using “Dawson’s Creek” and “Academy Award-Nominated” in the same sentence is staggering.
Also, Teri Hatcher must be having a stroke right now.
zgyotquw eoedfsouc
zgyotquw eoedfsouc
zgyotquw eoedfsouc
zgyotquw eoedfsouc