Salvation in 30-minutes or it’s free!

Pizza With JesusThe founder of Domino’s Pizza, Tom Monaghan, has decided to build a town in Florida to be run “according to strict Catholic principles.”

The town will be centered around a Catholic university and will house 30,000 residents. According to The Times online, retail space in the town is already 60% full. Undoubtedly 15% of that is with pizza shops, 10% luxury clothiers for when Bridget Hilliard comes to visit, two Quiznos, a Planned Parenthood - Catholic Version (just a shop that hands out a calendar and some mouthwash), and the worst sushi bar known to man. Interestingly, the town will be vacant of taxi cabs, dry cleaners, and whatever kinds of stores are normally run by Jews (a video store?)

On the upside, coinciding with Monaghan’s town – called Heatonsville – will likely be the creation of the country’s largest gay community just a few blocks up the street. Although most of its inhabitants will only be around at night; during the day they’ll go back to being priests in Heatonsville.

Not that you didn’t expect a gay priest joke…

‘Pizza pope’ builds a Catholic heaven [Times Online]

6 Responses to “Salvation in 30-minutes or it’s free!”


  1. 1 avi

    since you’re wondering what kinds of stores are normally run by jews, that would be my cue:

    7-eleven (jews are really good at counting)
    bed, bath & beyond (beyond is code for “jew”)
    seaworld (jews are dolphins)

  2. 2 Ben

    Heatonsville? Just a few letters short of full blown heathens?

  3. 3 Jordan

    That’s not necessarily the real name. I just assumed it would be named after Patricia Heaton.

  4. 4 Myackie

    don’t forget that Jews control the media!!!

  5. 5 Jewish Gal

    No good delis or jewelry stores, and good luck getting braces, surgery or suing someone!

  6. 6 Jewish Gal

    No good delis or jewelry stores, and good luck getting braces, surgery or suing someone!

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