The One Million Moms of the American Family Association dismounted from their double-wide vibrators last Friday to issue a press release in which they declare war on all sponsors of Desperate Housewives. We’ll gladly agree that DH is testing our patience this season, but the show’s ungodliness certainly has nothing to do with it.
As far as we’re concerned, Jesus and his followers can go straight to bed after Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. You know, after the deserving poor families (the ones whose fathers fought in the war, or who have sick children - not those lazy, shiftless ones who got divorced or were born black) have moved into their new houses thanks to that shirtless freak Ty Pennington, the Patrick Swayze of reality television.
Anyway, the AFA thinks that because they don’t like Housewives - with its adultery (!), homosexuality (!!) and cameltoe-friendly wardrobe (!!!) - nobody should be able to. (Fascism in action, folks; thanks, JC!) Here’s why:
Some people have said to pro-family viewers who dislike indecent network TV programming simply to turn it off, [AFA Chairman Don] Wildmon notes. In response, he asks, “Why should we have to do that? Why do our children need to be exposed to such trash? Why do the networks keep putting out trash?”
Also, the pro-family spokesman wants to know, will critics of the OneMillionMoms.com and OneMillionDads.com campaigns against media indecency next tell pro-family viewers “that if we don’t like drunk drivers on the highway, to stay off the highway?”
Wildmon notes that, according to ABC, “Desperate Housewives” is viewed by 15 million people weekly. What that means, he says, is that 265 million people do not watch the show but still end up paying for it by purchasing its sponsors’ products.
Wow. I haven’t heard Don Wildmon get that hot and bothered since he stole my virginity when I was 7. Nor have I heard reasoning that specious since he told me that, unless I kept my mouth shut and sat on a whiffle ball bat for 30 minutes a day, I wouldn’t get into heaven.
The AFA believes that if its alleged 2 million “online supporters” (whaddya wanna bet that’s their total all-time visitor count, including repeats?) have enough purchasing power to significantly impact the bottom line of any company that dares to buy ad time during DH. Too bad ultra-absorbent maxi-pads, mustache wax and cat food aren’t significant sponsors of the show.
AFA warns sponsors to separate from “Desperate Housewives” [Agape]
I think i’m going to boycott any sponser who advertises on the PAX network for forcing me to be exposed to what I consider “trash.”
DH is a big hit all over red state America. It’s # 1 in Birmingham, for god’s sake. This boycott will be about as successfull as their “boycotts” of Disney, Ford, Microsoft, P&G, etc, etc, etc. These fanatics can get away with bashing the gays because their followers think they don’t know any of us, but when they start f***ing with the hets and threatening their fun, they will fail comopletely.
How much fucking arrogance must you possess to ask “Why should we have to do that?” when someone points out that you can simply avoid watching “offensive” programming? These people blow my mind.
It’s amusing to consider Wildmon’s comments with the word “bore” substituted for the word “offend.” Viz: “It’s outrageous to suggest that I should have to change the channel to avoid programs that bore me!!!” “Why should we be asked to support companies that sponsor boring programs???” “Hollywood™ routinely bores the American People™, and expects us to tune in and by tickets???”
Well, the last one actually has a point to it. They do turn out too much stuff that really is boring. But the specific stuff that Donny-poo is talking about is definitely not in that category, and the American People™ are sopping it up like gravy with a biscuit.
Fuck those X-tians. They have nothing else to do but throw stones and act holier than thou.
They’re just miserable because they can’t have any real fun.
I work for an internet retailer, and “One Million Moms” and “One Million Dads” bombarded us with emails one day threatening to boycott us because we carried products that were advertised on shows they didn’t like.
We got 500 emails, tops, 10% of which were emails parodying their form email.
Good times.