I’ve always thought that Diane Keaton, as a person, offers about as much sexual chemistry as a Helen Hunt/Kevin Spacey love scene. In other words: not much. She’s like a modern day Mary Poppins but with a larger sense of entitlement.
Well, according to the New York Daily News, Jack Nicholson agrees. Keaton’s Something’s Gotta Give costar told the paper that she should “invest more in heavy sexual acts” if she wants to win his affection.
I don’t know, Jackie boy. Dressing up like Mister Peanut, as in this photo, is pretty fucking kinky if you ask me. But maybe there are a few things Diane could do to increase her chances at bedding a guy like Jack:
- Pull down those gloves and show us some elbow
- Or keep the gloves on and put them to use by doing shadow puppets. In my ass.
- Stop borrowing Jack’s eyewear.
- Get Keanu’s IQ tattooed on your ladybusiness
- Recognize the turn-ons right under your nose
- Prove to us that seeing your cleavage isn’t more rare than seeing Al Reynolds fucking a female unicorn
- Three words: World’s Strongest Kegel
Poor Ms. Keaton. One day, she’ll show up at an awards ceremony in a fabulous Versace gown, and all of the fashion critics will suffer fatal aneurysms.