The PEN15 Club

I wouldn’t wish near-death on anyone, not even the P15 arch nemesis Star Jones Reynolds. But I have to admit that I’ve found myself fantasizing about Star going under the knife and something terrible (but not life threatening) happening.

And it seems as someone down in hell was listening - and has some pretty powerful buddies here on Earth.

The National Enquirer is reporting that SJR went in for surgery four days ago to get her boobs fixed once and for all . (Now, as of recent, Star’s rack has been the source of much confusion. Take this for example. And then this. And finally, this.) But whatever it takes to fix a randomly inflating and deflating right breast apparently almost cost Star her life. That’s right: things weren’t all silicon and ether on the ol’ operating table, and soon Star’s bosom was hemorrhaging blood.

But the best part of the whole story isn’t the part about Star having “secret” surgery. It’s the part where her remarkably poon-loving husband Al couldn’t be by her side because he (re-read this if necessary) “was also in the hospital after he cut his head when he fell at his Manhattan gym on the same day,” which apparently kept him in the hospital overnight.

WHAT? If we’re expected to believe any of the story, do you really think we’re supposed to believe that Al didn’t actually cut his head after slipping on the gym sauna floor while playing a rollicking game of slap ‘n’ tickle with a fellow gymgoer?

Star, dear, we wish you a swift recovery – particularly because we can’t wait to see how the SJR spin machine explains this on The View next week. Hey, maybe Joy will yell out, “Yeah, and what about that time you lost half your blood through a gushing tit wound?”

Star Jones Cheats Death as she Undergoes Plastic Surgery [Enquirer]

A “View” first: Someone other than Star and Hasselbeck humiliates herself and a guest [PEN15]