The PEN15 Club

Is it just me or is SJR starting to look a smidgen like Katherine Harris?

A true story for you: I (Jordan) am one of them assfucking, liberal vegetarian types. It’s been several years since I’ve tasted meat that wasn’t from a water-dwelling animal, or attached to a Hollister employee. But yesterday, I sat in a morning meeting and began to devour the croissant my company force feeds us on a daily basis. But something was different! As I bit into the flaky pastry, my teeth sank into an unfamiliar flavor. I withdrew the breakfast treat from my face to find that I had bitten into layers of pink goodness – something my not-fully-awake brain instantly decided was, uh, rhubarb. I continued eating until a vague familiarity crept across my taste buds, and half way through my croissant, I realized it was ham I was eating.

I tried to explain to those around me why I spat out the chewed food, but instead of sympathy, I got, “Who the fuck puts rhubarb in a croissant?” from my boss.

Later on, as I clutched my guilty stomach, something hit me. There was a reason I ate ham that day – something that could only be understood by my deepest consciousness: it was Star Jones Reynolds’s birthday.

Happy Birthday, Star. That was my sacrifice for you. And your boned ham is in the mail, compliments of the PEN15 Club.