Yes, we read about Placentagate. In case you haven’t, the story is that Tom Cruise semi-joked to GQ magazine that he planned on eating his child’s placenta and umbilical cord upon its birth. We as a society tend to try to forget that there exists an organ that the mother must also birth with the sole responsibility of exchanging the baby’s waste for nutrients. And while we shield our eyes in shame of the organ, Cruise is likely looking for the world’s best sushi chef to prepare the nearly-two-pound meal.
But here is where Cruise is smarter than us: If there is no baby, he can make up any damned thing he wants. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he planned on implanting the womb in his own body for the remainder of the baby’s term, or sought to breast feed the baby himself upon its birth. The point is if there is no baby, he doesn’t have to do any of that.
I mean, Cruise has already convinced us that he was able to get a female pregnant with a child that has seemingly taken about 14 months to come to term. Why not just keeping piling on the bullshit to see how far he can go?
One time I was able to convince a coworker who accidentally got his not-girflriend pregnant that it was customary for the father to eat the placenta after every birth. I told him it was just something no one really talked about. And while he believed me for about 24 hours (I had others in on the gag, too), the plot was blown when I produced a recipe for Placenta Almondine. Tom, I still have it if you don’t feel like going raw on the morning of the “birth.”
Tom Tucks In [Megastar]
“Placenta Almondine” may just be the funniest thing I’ve read yet.
Like on a sitcom, this “baby” will be crawling next week, walking by the end of summer and attending school just in time for the fall season premiere.
Then maybe the child will just disappear one day, like Judy Winslow on Family Matters, and no one will speak of it again…