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When, friends, were we so easily entertained? Were the ’80s so bland that dressing two queens up in evening wear and having them sashay across the stage matching harmonies about doing drugs was considered entertainment? No wonder why drugs were so big.
My favorite part of this little gem, sent in by P15 informant Bill, is the blocking and direction. (Yes, my community theater lingo has stayed with me through the years.) Not only are Bea Arthur and Rock Hudson singing a showtune about drug use, but their only props are cocktails, their costumes are straight off the set of “Auntie Mame,” and the on-camera action is limited to moving from sitting on fancy furniture to standing next to fancy furniture. The entire song is cut to suggest that it took place over the course of a romantic dinner between the two singers. That’s right. Romantic. Bea Arthur. And Rock Hudson. Oh, how naive we were in the 80s.
I only wish they hadn’t cut the last verse. Thank goodness the PEN15 Club has obtained the original lyrics:
Rock:
Remember when a rim job was what you gave a margarita,
and a rusty trombone was just part of the band?
Bea:
And when roast beef curtains were the best meal of your life,
and a pretty pearl necklace was what you gave to your wife?
Rock:
But now you gotta visit
a truck stop to get busy.
Bea:
And wear a pair of jeans
to hide your secret penis.
Both:
Everybody today is turnin’ on!
Except for us. Really.
Bea & Rock Turnin’ On [YouTube]
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