Adulthood is a curious thing. You find yourself casually shocked and disgusted by the behavior of teenagers, lamenting the percentage of your paycheck that goes to the government, and losing your hair. Most disturbing of all: The movies you cherished as a young’un, and even remember seeing when they first opened, start getting remade.
This morning, I was confronted with my own mortality upon reading that Raven-Symone will star in a remake of my beloved Adventures in Babysitting, the seminal story of a white-bread teenage girl who, while taking care of a station wagon full of kids, confronts hookers, drug dealers and chuds on the dirty streets of 1987 Chicago as she tries to rescue her best friend from the bus station. The radiant Elisabeth Shue’s opening-titles lip-synching of “And Then He Kissed Me” cemented her place in the ’80s-movie pantheon, and she seemed virginal and strait-laced enough to be genuinely terrified by a night in the big bad inner city. That’s why the movie was funny and charming.
As for Raven-Symone - let’s be honest. She already looks like she’s been spit out the bottom of the porn industry. Look at her in the jersey dress above. Or this one. Or this Du-rag. Plus, she’s the size of a linebacker. Frankly, her ability to take down a band of knife-wielding car thieves or a 6′4“ white guy named Thor (Vincent D’Onofrio in the original!) isn’t in question.
It’s cool that Disney wants to re-create this franchise with an African-American star. Jurnee Smollett or, in a few years, Keke Palmer would be excellent choices. But unless this version ends with Raven turning ten-dollar tricks after selling the children for crack, I’m going to be less than compelled.
Dis calls on Raven to babysit [The Hollywood Reporter]
i am so old.
Raven is the type of girl you’d want on your side should you ever find yourself in a bar brawl. Or a sale at Prada.
But… but… NO! Just, no.