Archive for August, 2006

Kelly Preston looks really pumped in this photo

Published by Rob on August 31, 2006 in Celebs and Famous PEN15s. 1 Comment

200608310754 Wait, that’s not Kelly. That’s a handsome blonde man being kissed by John Travolta as he boards a (phallic symbol) jet plane away from the Toronto set of Hairspray, in which Revolta will make her (public) drag debut.

Dismissing the inevitable gay rumors that have accompanied this National Enquirer photo, Scientologette Leah Remini explained:

Oh, please. John’s not gay. He’s just Italian. I’m from an Italian family too, and when I was growing up, my Uncle Carmine used to give all my brothers handjobs when we went to his house to play bocce on Saturdays. It’s perfectly normal.

And besides, John and I were babysitting Suri Holmes Cruise last weekend - Tom and Katie had to go to Target and then Babies ‘r Us, and I think they stopped at the Olive Garden to treat themselves - and John kept saying how he couldn’t wait till Suri was 18 so he could infect her with his own strain of ‘Saturday night fever.’ So he’s definitely not gay.

Whatever the situation is between John and his special blonde man-friend, we’re just glad that he’s found someone to see past the Edna Turnblad weight, which is straining the seams of that all-black Vincent-from-Project Runway “casual jetset” ensemble.

HEY HEY HEY!!! John Travolta is gay!!!! [Oh No They Didn’t]

Hot - but will it help save Screech’s house?

Published by Rob on August 30, 2006 in Celebs and TV. 1 Comment

Slater Nothing kick-starts an aging drama series like an occasionally naked Saved by the Bell alum, as the good folks at NYPD Blue learned when Mark-Paul Gosselaar replaced Rick Schroeder. With this in mind, kudos are in order for whichever genius at FX leaked these images of Mario “Slater” Lopez’s homoerotic shower encounter with Julian McMahon in Nip/Tuck’s incipient fourth season. Looks like all those burgers and shakes at The Max had no adverse impact on Slater’s physique.

Here’s a lasting benefit of Elizabeth Berkeley’s timeless performance as Nomi Malone in Showgirls (as if you needed another one): It has rendered her Saved by the Bell castmates incapable of shocking us. Lark Voorhees could upload a series of personal, homemade donkey show videos onto YouTube, and it would still seem wholesome compared to Berkeley’s epileptic dolphin act with Kyle MacLachlan.

We’re just glad these crazy kids - unlike Dustin Diamond and Hayley Mills - still keep getting work.

Mario Lopez’s bare butt on ‘Nip/Tuck’ [JustJared]

Ne-Yo ain’t-no ho-mo

Published by Jordan on August 29, 2006 in Celebs and News. 2 Comments

Nyet44503302105 SpAs I was brainlessly flipping through the Boston Metro this morning on the train ride into work, something caught my attention. No, it wasn’t the realization that I had actually begun reading the Metro under the sheer intimidation of its street corner distributors (sometimes I’m frightened into taking two or three Metros before I even reach my office), it was something in the otherwise terribly-written gossip column: R&B artist Ne-Yo will presumably come out of the closet in next month’s issue of Essence magazine.

The column even made an uncharacteristically edgy reference to Clay Aiken. Which is promptly when I realized it was written by a guest author this week.

In the interest of full disclosure, this was the first time I’ve ever heard of this Ne-Yo fellow. As far as music goes, if it wasn’t included in the Brokeback Mountain soundtrack, I’m probably not familiar with it. But in my mind, I could already hear Warren Beatty’s slender fingers frantically typing away at the screenplay for this gem, and his people looking up Terrance Howard’s phone number.

I was oh-so disappointed to find, upon further investigation, that the folks from Essence are already denying the claims that Ne-Yo comes out all over its pages. In fact, they claim that Ne-Yo isn’t even in that month’s issue, much less out in this month’s issue. But, if his track listings on iTunes are any indication, a big un-DL’ing is in the works. His song titles read like the titles of my middle school diary entries: “Let Me Get This Right,” “I Ain’t Gotta Tell You,” “Get Down Like That,” and “Get Down Like That (Remix).”

Talk like that will even make Al Reynolds blush.

No Down Low for Ne-Yo [Boston Metro]

Essence Magazine Responds to Ne-Yo Rumor [Eurweb]

PEN15 Drippings: 8/28/06

Published by Rob on August 28, 2006 in Bitches, Celebs and TV. 5 Comments

200608281959 The “Matthew Broderick falls off horse” headline would be absolutely hilarious if we believed he’d ever actually had sex with Sarah Jessica Parker. [TMZ]

Those View bitches can’t stop bitching each other out - even the ones who aren’t on the bitchfest’s payroll anymore. [Time]

How do people even think to associate Conan O’Brien’s Emmy Lost parody with this weekend’s plane crash in Kentucky? Can’t they channel that creativity someplace else? Anyone who sat through the entire Emmy broadcast and found that to be the most offensive moment seriously needs to increase their Thorazine dosage. What about Blythe Danner forgetting the names of not only her co-nominees but also her co-stars (she referred to Anton Yelchin as “Andre Yelchin”)? Or the Aaron Spelling tribute, featuring a Charlie’s Angels reunion that reminded us of the final scene in Death Becomes Her, punctuated by Candy Spelling’s Mafia wife crying spasms as Tori fumed from the sidelines? Or Barry Manilow making a pass at defenseless stroke victim Dick Clark? Or Calista Flockhart’s gray teeth? [Jossip]

Trailer trash: Patrick fantastic

Published by Rob on August 26, 2006 in Celebs and Films. 2 Comments

Patrick Movie-blogger types are going justifiably apeshit over the beautifully cut trailer for Todd Field’s Little Children, which opens October 6 after lots of classy film festival exposure.

And speaking of beautifully cut, we’re thrilled that gorgeous Patrick Wilson’s stage-to-film transition seems to be sticking after a rough - Phantom of the Opera and The Alamo rough - start. Having read the satirically funny, haunting Tom Perrotta novel on which the film is based, I think Wilson is a completely inspired choice to play the ex-jock-turned-stay-at-home-dad whose affair with an unfulfilled housewife (Kate Winslet) coincides with a child molester’s return to their suburban McNeighborhood.

Because Winslet and co-star Jennifer Connelly almost never align themselves with overt crap, and because writer-director Field’s In the Bedroom proved his gift for stories of domestic discord, we have every reason to put Little Children near the top of our must-see list for the fall.

And it has wet, swimsuit-clad Patrick Wilson. Paging the Academy!

The ‘Little Children’ trailer [Film Experience]

Year’s best trailer [Hollywoood Elsewhere]

Trailer [littlechildrenmovie.com]

Has “Mysteries of Pittsburgh” been hetero-fied?

Published by Rob on August 23, 2006 in Films and Rants. 3 Comments

200608230813 I was excited to hear that a movie version of one of my favorite books, Michael Chabon’s The Mysteries of Pittsburgh, was all set to roll in the fall. The cast includes Jon Foster (adorable and so good in The Door in the Floor), Peter Sarsgaard, Nick Nolte, Sienna Miller and Mena Suvari - most of those people seem a little old, but okay. The director is Rawson Marshall Thurber, of Dodgeball fame (this is getting very abstract, but I’m still excited).

But the following plot description terrifies me, and if you’ve read the book, you’ll know why:

Foster will play Art Bechstein, a recent college graduate trying to escape the clutches of his mobster father (Nolte). The story follows the last summer of Art’s youth as he falls into a love triangle with Jane (Miller) and Cleveland (Sarsgaard), a charismatic couple who draw him into a series of exhilarating adventures that ultimately pit him against his father. Suvari will play Phlox, Art’s eccentric part-time girlfriend and boss at a discount book chain.

First off, if I recall correctly, the character of Jane has about three scenes in the novel and Art’s dad has maybe four. Forgiving the fact that Nolte and Foster have no business playing anyone with “stein” at the end of their names, the novel has nothing to do with anyone “escap[ing] the clutches of his mobster father.” Overcoming his legacy, maybe. But this should not be a mob thriller.

I don’t have a problem with the casting of Sarsgaard and Miller, although, again, Sarsgaard is a bit long in the tooth. Suvari as Phlox is an obvious misstep, as the poor bug-eyed girl has killed just about every movie she’s been in. This part was written for Lauren Ambrose.

But the ultimate red flag - the reason this Pittsburgh might evolve from a run-of-the-mill hatchet job to full-on boycott bait: The novel’s arguable second lead, Arthur Lecomte, the sad student dilettante with whom Art has an affair, is apparently not part of the picture.

Continue reading ‘Has “Mysteries of Pittsburgh” been hetero-fied?’

You Cruise, you lose

Published by Rob on August 22, 2006 in Bitches, Celebs and Films. 0 Comments

200608222026 Oh my God, you guys. The Wall Street Journal has broken the news that Paramount isn’t renewing Tom Cruise’s production deal - and that the higher-ups are unabashedly blaming it on his batshit-crazy behavior! And the bad news is, I can’t link to the story ’cause I’m not a WSJ subscriber. Stupid subscriber-only content! Gah!

Luckily, I’ve gotten the text of Melissa Marr’s article from this Datalounge thread. Marr quotes Viacom Chairman Sumner Redstone with this little nugget: (Apologies if you’re not a Datalounge contributor and you can’t read the thread. Sigh.)

As much as we like him personally, we thought it was wrong to renew his deal. His recent conduct has not been acceptable to Paramount.

Now, unless a Kill Bill-style death ninja vixen squad of Juliette Lewis, Kelly Preston, Leah Remini and Jenna Elfman murders Redstone in his sleep tonight, this could mean that $cientology’s death grip over Hollywood has been thwarted, or at least loosened. Because no matter how well-funded your secret alien Mafia cult is, if your megabudget summer tentpole makes less money than Over the Hedge, nobody’s really going to be afraid of you.

Can the outing of John Travolta be far off?

BREAKING NEWS: Paramount ends relationship with Tom Cruise’s company [Datalounge]

Stephen Dorff abs us into submission

Published by Rob on August 21, 2006 in Celebs and Famous PEN15s. 0 Comments

200608212205 We always thought that the best thing about being an actor - as an opposed to being an actress - is the relative freedom from having to whore out your body in order to make a living. It’s the whole reason this Vanity Fair cover photo doesn’t feature Jonathan Rhys Meyers and Ryan Gosling nude, and being nibbled by Tom Ford and his man-cleavage.

That’s why it’s kind of sad to see washed-up would-be stars in their 30s trading so heavily on their physiques. Especially Stephen Dorff, who segued from up-and-comer to never-was sometime around 1994, yet still continues to get his face (and abs) in magazines and on blogs. Dorff’s current PR attack is a nude Cosmo UK centerfold, a full-frontal scene in the critically derided Shadowboxer and a series of fun-and-frolicky Malibu paparazzi shots.

I’ll admit - Dorff is sort of hot if you don’t look at his face, which suffers from a Gary Busey-esque “What are you doing in my poker shack?” psycho-hillbilly glaze. But he’s going to have to work a little harder to translate his six-pack into a respectable career. Note that Towleroad refers to Shadowboxer as a “forthcoming” release when, in reality, it opened July 21 and promptly sank without a trace, despite the best efforts of Little Stephen.

Stephen Dorff unafraid to let it all hang out [Towleroad]

Newark ladies take back the night

Published by Rob on August 19, 2006 in Bitches, News and Potpourri. 1 Comment

200608191010 We’ve been known to make the occasional lesbian joke from time to time, but I’m starting to think it’s just because we’re jealous. Could you imagine a gaggle of gay men kicking this much ass?

A foolish DVD bootlegger hit on one of a group of bridge-and-tunnel (Newark, to be exact) lesbians outside the IFC Center in the West Village, causing the other six ladies to turn feral and attack, as the poor folks coming out of the late showing of Factotum started regurgitating their artisanal cheese plates in shock.

Anthropologists say that a “perfect storm” of lesbianism and a New Jersey environment can cause normally docile people to attack when cornered. We just love that the Daily News described the ladies as “petite but ornery.”

Girls gone wilding [NY Daily News]

A.I. Alcoholic Intoxication

Published by Rob on August 17, 2006 in Celebs. 0 Comments

200608172010 So Haley Joel Osment has joined the Former Child Stars Gone Criminal Club. We can’t say we didn’t expect it. And obviously getting wasted and crashing one’s car isn’t anywhere near as sordid as, say, the Dana Plato Video Store Armed Robbery. Haley’s blood alcohol level was reportedly at least twice the legal limit of 0.08, but in all fairness the little guy probably could’ve hit that with a shot of Malibu and a Bartles & Jaymes chaser.

I mean, the lad is 18 and clearly still waist-deep in one honey of an awkward stage. So, career-wise, I can’t even see a comeback on the level of the Macaulay Culkin “Oh he’s still alive, and look, he’s in Party Monster and then guest-starring on Will & Grace” mini-resurgence of 2003.

Nonetheless, Haley should count himself lucky that he didn’t kill himself or anyone else by indulging in such recklessness. You might say he’s been blessed. How do you think he should “pay it forward?” I suggest he be forced to hunt down and burn all remaining copies of Pay It Forward.

Actor Osment faces pot, drunk driving charges [Reuters via Yahoo!]