The PEN15 Club

I gotta be honest with you. I feel bad for the younguns and all, but whenever an anti-gay Republican politician gets popped for fucking around with underaged dudes, for me it’s like suckling on the swollen teat of Mary Mother of God. Really. Few things give me more satisfaction, except for having awesome cybersex with a 16-year-old student council president. But you know what I mean.

Day by day the Representative Mark Foley scandal gets worse. It’s like watching Michelle Rodriguez perform. At first, it’s pretty bad. Then, it gets worse. And right when you think it can’t possibly get any worse, there’s a crying and/or orgasm scene. Foley’s scandal has unfolded like a copy of the New York Post that someone shat in and folded back up. I already can’t wait what tomorrow brings!

Let’s recap, shall we?

First, the media obtains emails sent by Foley to underage male pages suggesting an overly friendly relationship with the young men. Foley’s people claim that asking the boys for their photos is standard practice, even after they complete the page program.

Then, instant messages between Foley and the boys surface, suggesting that the relationship was more than overly friendly; it was downright dirty. In fact, reading through the transcripts rang reminiscent of many confessional exchanges I had with clergy back in my Catholic days.

Follow that up with the admission of some in the Republican leadership that they knew of the possible threat that Foley posed over a year ago, while Foley checks himself into rehab. Don’t you hate it when you drink too much and turn all pedophile-y?

And finally, today. More instant message transcripts appear in the hands of the media featuring a censored (but undoubtedly steamy) cybersex conversation between Fogey — err, Foley — and a strapping young lad. Later, Foley admits to being gay and also to have been molested by clergy when he himself was a teen, events which apparently always go hand-in-hand.

The only disappointment of the entire scenario is the fact that the media censored the cyersex conversation. But guess what! The PEN15 Club obtained an unmolested copy of the transcript, which we will reprint for your reading enjoyment:

Maf54: I miss you

Teen: ya me too

Maf54: we are still voting

Maf54: you miss me too

Teen: Yeah. Like a 16-year-old misses kissing his grandma.

Maf54: I like it when u talk like that. See? I type ‘u’ instead of ‘you.’ How hip am I?!?!

Teen: LOL. You bring new meaning to ‘hip replacement.’

Maf54: U hard? Measure yourself for me.

Teen: A solid foot-and-a-half of swingin’ death, grandpa. What u gonna do about it?

Maf54: fhjadsklfhjsdkfl;ajdkfal;j!!!!!!!!!

Maf54: Nothing now. That was so much better than doing my wife. U finish?

Teen: Yeah. Whoopdedoo. Yehaw. Whatever you say.

Maf54: Isn’t this internet great?! We can have this relationship secretly with no way for anyone to find out about our love for each other.

Teen: Yeah. It’s Fort Fucking Knox.

Maf54: ok..i better go vote..did you know you would have this effect on me

Teen: lol I guessed

Teen: ya go vote…I don’t want to keep you from doing our job

Maf54: can I have a good kiss goodnight

Teen: :-*

Teen: <kiss>

New Foley Instant Message: Had Internet Sex While Awaiting House Vote [ABC News]

Instant Message Obtained by ABC News Cast Doubt on Claims from Foley’s Lawyer [ABC News]

Andy Towle’s continuing coverage [Towleroad]