The city of New York can finally breathe a collective sigh of relief: Asstress Natasha Lyonne turned herself in today on charges dating back to 2004 of trespassing, mischief, harassment, and threatening to molest her neighbor’s dog. The same incident resulted in an eviction by her landlord, Michael Rappaport, who delivered the notice with failed humor, not surprisingly.
Frankly, we’re impressed that Lyonne is still alive after last year’s debacle where she went missing and showed up days later with a collapsed lung and a case of the Hep-C. Authorities had followed her track marks for days before finding the homeless performer end-to-end on a piece of spaghetti with a Doberman pinscher. It’s good to know that she’s now well enough to pull herself together and face the music for - it bears repeating - threatening to molest a dog.
Natasha, I have so many questions for you! Was it national Do Something That Would Even Make Courtney Love Blush day? Does black tar heroin make you sexually attracted to things that smell like kennel? What kind of dog was it? Because if it was a Weimaraner , I can kind of see where you’re coming from. They’re just so pretty…
We really do hope you’re able to make a full recovery from the gallimaufry of things that ail you, because “But I’m a Cheerleader” is definitely in our top-10 favorite gay interest films of all time and, uh, it would be terrible to die while being known only as “‘American Pie’ actress” and “that girl who threatened to fuck a dog.”
‘American Pie’ actress turns herself in at court [CNN]
‘American Pie’ star’s fight for life [MSNBC]
I absolutely adore the title of this post. There’s almost too much comedy mileage in bestiality, really.