Published by Rob on January 31, 2007
in News and TV.
You’re telling me the reason my 12-minute subway commute was stretched to half an hour this morning was because some trigger-happy homeland security bureaucrat mistook a Cartoon Network outdoor ad campaign for a group of strategically placed bombs?
Our city’s cool quotient is threatened enough simply by the existence Boston College without having to deal with costly, embarrassing government gaffes and hysterical outbursts of rudderless security mom-ism like this one.
Truly, the age of Constant Hypervigilance has entered its absurd, self-parodic third act. I guess the cops up here eschew Adult Swim in favor of Law & Order reruns on TNT.
Attack of the Mooninites [Boston.com]
And Harvey Weinstein will do anything to create publicity for Factory Girl in the wake of a disastrous series of late-inning reshoots and a stillborn Oscar campaign for Sienna Miller (insert air-wank motion here).
Now Haydenstein is floating the idea that the sex scene in which Sienna’s Edie Sedgwick and Hayden’s Bob Dylan-like character do it was actual, unsimulated coitus. Between Hayden Christensen. And a woman.
I realize that, with lousy reviews from the few critics who’ve seen the only recently-finalized version, Factory Girl is going to have a hard time competing at art houses when it opens outside L.A. this Friday. And Hayden will take any chance he can get to convince folks he’s all about the pussy.
But in the process, they’re sullying the good name of a serious actress and respectable young lady. Oh, wait - for a second, I forgot we were talking about Sienna Miller. Carry on.
‘Factory’ is seen as fully unionized [New York Daily News]
These press shots of the London revival of Equus have surfaced, and if you thought the production was going to be shy about selling barely-legal star Daniel Radcliffe’s body (yes folks, there’s nudity), think again.
I always rolled my eyes when people joked about counting down till Radcliffe’s 18th birthday (which, eek, doesn’t happen until July), but now it’s hard not to sympathize. I realize Peter Shaffer’s play represents a juicy opportunity for Radcliffe to show that he can play more than just Harry Potter, but this headlong leap into sex symbol status could turn his career in an unexpected direction. Think Lohan, but a boy, and British.
Or he could just be announcing himself as a serious actor to watch, a la Christian Bale. And, like Christian Bale, an actor to watch in as little clothing as possible. Ugh, writing that felt so creepy. I’d like to go see Equus - but can I wear an invisibility cloak?
New ‘Equus’ press shots [Datalounge]
‘Equus’ official site
Publicists, there’s really no surer way to make your client look gay than to plant back-to-back stories about him hooking up with Scarlett Johansson and Jessica Biel within a matter of weeks. Not that Justin Timberlake pings to me in any significant way - it’s just that ditching Cameron Diaz for the women that Esquire Magazine named the world’s sexiest in ‘05 and ‘06 seems either a complete act of fantasy or an incredibly callous way to diss your elderly ex.
Poor Cameron is probably crying into her Proactiv and slowly chanting, “At least The Holiday did well overseas…”
Hey, and did you know that they also show movies at Sundance?
Biel visits Justin at Sundance; World braces for Cameron sh-tfit [US Weekly]
Sad news today for Nicole Kidman, who was taken to the hospital after a car accident on the set of her upcoming film The Invasion. What’s sad isn’t just the crash itself - although we feel bad for Nic; doesn’t she shatter easily? - it’s that they’re still shooting The Invasion, a moribund-sounding Invasion of the Body Snatchers ripoff that was originally supposed to be released last August. Oh well, at least it means Nicole gets to spend more time on set with Daniel Craig. Mmmm, Daniel Craig…
In more metaphorical Celebrity Car Wreck news, what are we to make of the fact that Celestia Heche has dumped her husbear (the adorably named Coleman “Coley” Laffoon) for her Men in Trees co-star, James Tupper? Is Anne done with pussy forever? Is this just a publicity stunt to drum up ratings for Trees, which loses boatloads of viewers from its Grey’s Anatomy lead-in? Maybe they should just get Cynthia Stevenson to call Anne a dyke in front of some reporters.
Kidman in crash during L.A. movie shoot [AP]
Anne Heche leaves husband for co-star [I’m Not Obsessed]
A few weeks ago, Isaiah Washington called fellow Grey’s Anatomy costar TR Knight a faggot. And we all found out, made a big deal, and then kind of got over it.
But then, last week Isaiah squeezed out a steaming turd of awkwardness over what should have been a night of celebration for the cast, by bringing light to the incident again at the Golden Globes. And we were all kind of confused.
Well, the apologies have come and gone. The meetings with “leaders of the gay community” have come and gone (who are the leaders of the gay community anyway? Vilanche? Elton? Travolta?) It’s time Isaiah checks into homophobe rehab for a little sensitivity training.
For alcoholics, quitting drinking may be an enormous challenge, but at least the treatment is pretty clear: just stop drinking and you’ll eventually learn to, uh, take prescription drugs to quell the shakes. But is there really such a treatment that would teach you to not hate an entire subculture? Apparently there is. And we here at the PEN15 Club have the proprietary methodology used by Isaiah’s treatment center, Bottoms Up:
Week One:
- Trade all clothing for gay-ambiguous threads, including Crocs, capris, various linen articles, and a leather manblouse made from skin off the ass of Steven Cojocaru
- Mediate a fight between Lance and Reichen
- Indian leg wrestle Vin Diesel
Week Two:
- Change Ian McKellan’s diaper
- Write lyrics to Darude’s “Sandstorm”
- Navigate an obstacle course of “Everybody Loves Raymond” cast members… on rollerblades
Week Three:
- Murder one of Tom Cruise’s tricks with bare hands
- Develop more sophisticated pallet through lube tasting
- Sucking chrome of trailer hitches of various sizes
Week Four:
- Seven days of double fistfuck receiving
- Gradutation
We wish you luck, Isaiah.
“Grey’s Anatomy” star Isaiah Washington in counselling after anti-gay slur [canada.com]
ROB’S NOTE: Okay, so I wrote this beautiful Oscar nomination prediction post and saved it as “private” when I thought it had been published, and didn’t realize my mistake until today. But I seriously did write it before the fact. I even got some key predictions wrong (hello, Dreamgirls). Anyway, read it now and then come back to this. Thanks. Sorry for the fuckup.
So has Beyonce’s mom put a hit out on Jennifer Hudson yet? I love the idea that Miss Knowles and Jamie Foxx’s blahness dragged all of Dreamgirls down and out of the Best Picture race. [Hollywood Elsewhere]
Can somebody explain to me what the fuck is going to win Best Picture now? The Departed is too genre, Babel is too low-grossing and Letters from Iwo Jima is too soon (as in too soon to give it to yet another movie involving Clint Eastwood and/or Paul Haggis). My money’s on (groan) Little Miss Sunshine. [Hollywood Reporter]
Salma Hayek’s “Everybody gets a car”-esque reaction to her amiga Penelope’s completely expected Best Actress nomination does little to quell rumors about their hot, Lesb-atina love affair. [YouTube]
The always-pertinent Tom O’Neil makes the point that you can’t blame the Dreamgirls omission on racism by counting the nominated minorities. Oscar is colorblind, Tom. It just hates the gays. [The Envelope]
It’s Oscar nomination eve. And because everyone who follows the yearly blood-and-heartbreak spectacle of Oscar season knows that finding out the nominees is the fun part, I’m gonna lay it all on the line now. Hold me to these predictions, folks. Here’s who I think is getting hysterical calls from their publicists tomorrow morning at 5:30 PST (Jordan, set your alarm).
Best Picture
- Babel - “Como se dice Crash 2?”
- The Departed - Pissah
- Dreamgirls - And I am telling you a grotesque whitewashing of the rise of black music in America is likely to win
- Little Miss Sunshine - I knew Sideways, and it’s no Sideways. But people seem to love it.
- The Queen - Who can resist a tabloid tale, brilliantly told, in a classy package?
Best Director
- Bill Condon, Dreamgirls - Keepin’ it gay
- Clint Eastwood, Letters from Iwo Jima - It’s Clint, it’s depressing, it’s in Japanese, it’s in!
- Stephen Frears, The Queen - A lot of good titles on his CV
- Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Babel - I can’t wait to hear Ang Lee pronounce this one
- Martin Scorsese, The Departed - Who will break Marty’s heart this year?
Best Actor
- Leonardo DiCaprio, The Departed - Competing with himself for Blood Diamond is unlikely to be an issue, since everyone hated Blood Diamond
- Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson - Crack is whack. Voters will find a new outlet for the promise they used to see in Edward Norton.
- Peter O’Toole, Venus - His recent personal appearances are the best argument for teetotaling since Dina Lohan
- Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness - Who else could rock an intimate drama about life on the bread line to $150 mil and counting?
- Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland - Idi Amin-motherfucker
Continue reading ‘Oscar nomination eve or, let’s get some money up in here’
Oh, how I wish I were still in Boston to lick up Tom Brady’s enormous tears while I lovingly massage his broad shoulders. It’s a little known fact that I used to be on the Patriots’ payroll to do just that.
But instead, I had to watch the gut wrenching game from afar, all by my lonesome in a land that doesn’t understand the true meaning of the word “wicked.” In my incredible list of things I’ll miss about Boston – Rob being perched right at the top – is Boston sports. Indeed, both the Pats and the Sox have this magical way of making a clueless queer sit up and pay attention. And it’s not just because of the jock straps and locker room interviews. Playoff games in both sports have all the drama of a good drag show, and the added benefit of nachos and beer.
So now as the Patriots go into hibernation, I’ll be gettin’ back into the game here at the Club. It’s been an intense few days, but I’m already drenched in some hot Hollywood goo to share with y’all. But not tonight. Instead, I have to make a last-ditch push to get rid of this jetlag before I start my new job tomorrow.
Soon!
Indianapolis Jolt [Boston.com]
America Ferrera sure is winning. Since Ugly Betty premiered on ABC in the fall, she’s won millions of TV viewers, a Golden Globe, and a tendency to be fondled by Salma Hayek at public events. As the star of Real Women Have Curves and The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, she was already the go-to gal for playing outspoken-but-sensitive teens with a lil’ junk in the trunk. This led to her breakthrough as the titular fash-mag drone of Ugly Betty, in which Ferrera’s “TV ugly” prettiness is submerged in braces and glasses.
Ferrera’s Golden Globe win is fine, I guess (the 10 minutes of Ugly Betty that I’ve seen sent me into girl power-induced telenovela sugarshock, plus it’s on against The Office). But Ferreramania seems to be peaking dangerously this week, as the actress is continually hailed as a beacon for “normal-sized women” and Latinas everywhere (the latter attribute is apparently cause for her to be lauded by Congress). She’s even making skinny bitches visibly quake in their Manohlos (see Maria Menounos’ catty backstage interview after Ferrera’s win).
All we’re saying is that this is a lot of simultaneous praise for a 22-year-old of clear but indeterminately versatile gifts to endure. And that carrying the weight (so to speak) of representing not one but two underrepresented-in-the-media groups may make it difficult for America to be judged solely on the basis of those gifts. Particularly when she’s being upstaged by Vanessa Williams’ hair.
Golden Globes well-played: America Ferrera [Go Fug Yourself]
‘Ugly Betty’ star saluted in Congress [WENN]
How Maria Menounos ruined the greatest moment of America Ferrera’s life [Gawker]
