Today marks 10 years since Ellen DeGeneres made history by having her character come out of the closet in the infamous “Puppy Episode” ofEllen. This is amazing to me - I vividly remember tuning in to the hour-long sweeps event, with its many guest stars (Demi Moore! Gina Gershon!) and all the surrounding hoopla: the Newsweek cover, the PDA with Anne Heche, the gargantuan ratings followed by a quick slide into ignominy, as the sitcom was cancelled a year later and Will & Graceappeared in the fall of ‘98.
It’s hard to fathom now in the wake of Finding Nemo, the AMEX campaign and her Friendly Daytime Talk Show, but Ellen really stuck her neck out and took one for the team. Yet at the time, she was accused - bizarrely - of exploiting the revelation to further her career. Recently, while interviewing Laura Dern on her talk show, DeGeneres casually mentioned that she was persona non grata for three years after Ellen was cancelled, and even Dern (who guest-starred as the woman who coaxes DeGeneres’ TV alter ego out of the closet) admitted that her phone didn’t ring for a year and a half after the episode.
10 years later, Matthew Rhys and Jason Lewis can make out on Brothers & Sisters, actors playing straight characters can come out of the closet, and the sight of two women flirting harmlessly at a Rickie Lee Jones concert is hardly enough to raise serious hackles. So with all the progress that’s yet to be made, let’s take a moment and tip our hats to Ellen.
Laura Dern talks about ‘The Puppy Episode’ [YouTube]
Rosie, dear. For my birthday, I asked for you to make Elizabeth Hasselbeck cry. But now I realize I should have been more specific. Because I didn’t mean tears of joy. And I didn’t mean by leaving the show. Way to ruin the first quarter-century of my LIFE Rosie! Gosh!
In all seriousness, it’s kind of sad to see televisions most fantastically drama-laden show lose the one thing that didn’t suck about it. In her year-long tenure, Rosie was able to drive ratings through the roof and crack walnuts in Hasselbeck’s tightly clenched ass cheeks. She caused Trumpgate, Chingchongate, Murdochgate, and Generalmeanlesbiangate. She gave us something more interesting to search for on YouTube than “teen boy in boxer briefs flexing muscles.” Oh, Rosie!
The only thing happier than Hasselbitch and Rosie’s seat cushion has got to be Babs herself, who will no longer be called out on her WASPy two-facedness on the air. Because everyone the only thing more important than ratings is making sure you can still call in a threesome with Trump and Murdoch.
Au revoir, Rosie. I expect you to spend your newfound free time launching more gay family cruises to countries that, uh, hate gay families. Meanwhile, I’m going to bury my sorrow in… cake.
O’Donnell leaving ‘The View’ [CNN]
CSL-sporting Tudors hottie Jonathan Rhys Meyers is the latest celeb to indulge in Rehab Chic.
Does drunkenness explain why JRM was spotted working out in purple velour sweatpants? Or his decision to follow up his Match Point breakthrough with Showtime’s panned period soap?
At least Jonathan is nipping his problem in the bud before it’s made him unemployable, unlike some, say, Lindsay Lohans we know of.
Following her “mysterious” last-minute departures from the Annette Bening drama A Woman of No Importance (she was replaced by Jessica Biel) andthe Aaron Eckhart thriller Bill (Jessica Alba), Lohan has dropped out of the Keira Knightley period piece The Best Time of Our Lives, reportedly because “she and the financiers couldn’t come to a deal.” (She’ll be replaced by that avatar of talent and professionalism, Sienna Miller).
What do you want to bet Lohan’s antics have finally made her uninsurable? Welcome to Winona Ryderville, Lohan, population you! (Well, you and Winona.)
Jonathan Rhys Meyers checks into rehab [People]
Miller takes ‘Lives,’ replaces Lohan [Variety]
So Joan and Melissa have been booted off the TV Guide Channel, their safety red-carpet outlet after having been bounced from E! (where they were initially supplanted by Miss Star Jones Reynolds).
What a burn…and to be replaced by harelipped has-been Lisa Rinna, who rode a couple of years on The Bold and the Beautiful and a marriage to equally lame ’80s throwback Harry Hamlin to inexplicable semi-fame. It must really hurt.
Old Joan may be past her prime, as her recent Bravo special illustrated, but for better or worse, she is the founding Grande Dame of Red Carpet Mania, and should be treated with some respect in that regard. And as much as I used to disdain Melissa for being a talentless, dogfaced opportunist, compared to the E!-vil Giuliana dePandi and Ryan Seacrest, her Rabelaisian wit is a credit to the medium of television.
Bottom line: We know a few old-school homos who are going to be pretty upset about this news. Meanwhile, Joan’s blog hints at forthcoming revenge, and I for one can’t wait for it.
Joan & Melissa replaced by ‘Dancing’ fembot [TMZ]
Stay tuned for new news [Joan Rivers Blog]
Okay, I’m insensitive. To this day, I claim the real tragedy of 9/11 was that I cracked a tooth in half on my tongue ring while eating French fries as our country was attacked (this was before freedom fries, appropriately). I was the one who wanted Howard K. Stern to be Danielynn’s daddy only so I could believe Larry Birkhead was incapable of impregnating a woman on account of homosexuality [Update: I was half right]. And when the boatload of strapping Brits was held in Iran, I may have secretly been hoping that they’d keep the guys long enough for a little bit of televised nudity-related humiliation.
Really, a heart of cold, dead steel sits lifeless inside my chest.
So it should come as no surprise that I spent the day mourning the victims of the VT shootings… and fantasizing about the CNN-proclaimed VT shooting hero (article), Zach Petkewicz (video). He and a fellow classmate – a secret lover, I imagine – barricaded the door to the classroom, keeping the gunman out (hey, did you hear the gunman was a loner?). In his four-minute interview by an inept CNN reporter, our hero managed to 1) be adorable, 2) have adorably incorrect grammar, 3) deflect flattery, 4) speak clearly, 5) and appear to be somewhat shy. Basically the five things that it takes for me to dig my fingernails dangerously far into my inner thighs.
And on top of it all, he cries! I mean, of course, any human being in his position would be crying, but he does it in the most heartbreakingly sincere and touching way that I all but lost it at work. Sexually. I’d slide across sandpaper to drink those tears.
So, Zach Petkewicz, here’s to you. For saving 11 lives and making mine just lust a little bit more fraught with longing. Which is good, I assure you.
What is it with gawky twinks this week? Just as America anoints Shia LaBeouf its newest Star Who Can Open a Movie, a lawsuit over a mold infestation has led to the attempted outing of Justin Berfield.
You know, the second-oldest brother on Malcolm in the Middle, the one who you denied having a crush on, but couldn’t help looking up his IMDb page just to make sure that he was 18? (Maybe that was just us.) He’s apparently not only gay but partnered, and the mold problem has driven him into the home of Jessica Simpson (that is one tragic selection of hag, JB).
Better yet, the crafty bitches at Datalounge have dug up Berfield’s bf’s Friendster profile. Which tells us nothing, except that he’s (mon dieu!) 30 and prone to Vaseline-slathered glamour shots.
‘Malcolm’ star Justin Berfield gay? [Post Chronicle]
Oh my God, you guys, we’ve been gone for so long and missed so much…please indulge me in a little catch-up…
In the wake of the Don Imus scandal, doesn’t it seem doubly amiss that Isaiah Washington - who not only used a comparably offensive slur, but did it while getting into a fistfight with a co-worker - still has a job at Grey’s Anatomy? Adding insult to injury, the show just won a GLAAD Media Award. Along with Jennifer Aniston (for starring in The Object of My Affection nine years ago?). Thanks for having your priorities straight, GLAAD. I’m sure the argument is that sucking up to big names - regardless of their relevance to actual gay issues - raises the visibility of the fight for equality overall. I, however, call it starfucking bullshit. [GLAAD.org]
Speaking of Grey’s, its upcoming Kate Walsh-centered spinoff features the stunning Chris Lowell, who was playing the adorable Piz on Veronica Mars until he mysteriously disappeared midseason. Oh, and at some point, he apparently ends up in the hospital wearing swim trunks and carrying a surfboard. [JustJared]
Edward Norton sells out like few actors have sold out before - starring as The Incredible Hulk in a craven attempt to revive the franchise that even Ang Lee couldn’t jumpstart. [Variety]
