It’s been 13 years since they first threatened to remake The Women, George Cukor’s classic 1939 ensemble bitchfest, and finally, after eight million cast changes, cameras will roll August 6.
And listen to this sad, washed-up ensemble: Smegma Ryan (do you think she’ll play the spurned divorcee?), Annette Bening, Deb Messing, Jada Pinkett Smith, Eva Mendes, Candice Bergen. Not exactly the 2007 equivalent of Joan Crawford, Rosalind Russell, Norma Shearer, Paulette Goddard and Joan Fontaine. Worse, the film is to be written and directed by Murphy Brown (remember that?) mastermind Diane English. And it’s going to be set in the present day. And it’s partially funded by Dove (so expect tons of soap-related product placement).
These are all unforgivable sins, but the news actually gets worse: According to Variety, “the gals aren’t as relentlessly catty this time around.”
Jigga-whut? The whole reason the original is remembered at all - and the Clare Booth Luce play on which it was based is still produced - is the relentless cattiness. If English waters this down into a story of female empowerment via friendship I’ll vomit up tubes of jungle red lipstick.
‘Women’ finally ready for makeover [Variety]
Erstwhile Frasier star David Hyde Pierce apparently just made his first-ever overt public reference to his own homosexuality. Pierce had been seen attending events with the husbear for years, but this is the first official printed admission.
I have to think that Neil Patrick Harris - the current-day equivalent to Pierce if anyone is - had to be the straw that broke this camel’s back. Now if only someone would get to work on Sean Hayes…
Exclusive: David Hyde Pierce is officially out [AfterElton]
Fat/sexy Gossip lead singer Beth Ditto, whose milky rolls are splayed on the cover of June’s NME, blames the gays (and the Beckhams!) for causing America’s eating disorder epidemic:
If there’s anyone to blame for size zero, it’s not women. Blame gay men who work in the fashion industry and want these women as dolls. Men don’t know what it feels like to be a woman and be expected to look a particular way. The Beckhams are part of the machine, Paris Hilton is part of the machine.
Beth’s gotten some backlash from the Towleroad commenters, who believe that straight women are to blame for their own postfeminist, cooter-waxing, nip-slipping body dysmorphia crisis. But I think she’s right, in part. I blame gay men, straight women and straight men, if not necessarily in that order.
I do, however, feel that the lesbians’ hands are pretty much clean on this issue.
Funny how when I first started listening to The Gossip, it didn’t really occur to me that Beth was as big as she is. But now that they’re getting more mainstream attention, they’re The Band With the Fat Lead Singer (remember when Keira Knightley tried to deny her own starvation issues by saying she thinks Beth’s body is hot?). I don’t recall this being an issue with any other bands with obese frontwomen like, uh, Heart. Anyone?
The Gossip’s Beth Ditto: Gay men to blame for skinny women [Towleroad]
You know you want this! [Dlisted]
Full disclosure: It’s Memorial Day weekend, and I’ve barely left the couch for two days. Everyone I know is out of town, it’s really hot, and I have a lot of DVDs to catch up on. I never do this. It’s been bliss.
But now that I’m hearing about the twin Memorial Day weekend adventures of Blow-han and Mischa Barton, both of which ended in drug-induced hospitalization, I’m ever more okay with my own laziness.
By the way, I love how the Mischa “antibiotics and a few cocktails” story was immediately linked to a Perez Hilton not-so-blind item that said she washed down a bunch of shrooms with blow.
Finally, since it’s Memorial Day, let’s loosen our cravats in recognition of the passing of Charles Nelson Reilly, who was out before anybody really understood what that meant. Somewhere, Brett Somers is crying into a gin rickey.
Mischa Barton hospitalized [TMZ]
Coke found in Lohan DUI investigation [TMZ]
Actor Charles Nelson Reilly dies at 76 [Los Angeles Times]
Just when I thought last night’s Desperate Housewives season finale was going to end on a snoozy note - 1) Lynette has “good Hodgkins,” check; 2) Susan and Mike finally marry, check; 3) Gaby’s marriage is a bad idea, check; 4) Bree is passing off Danielle’s pregnancy as her own, check - they shock us by having poor, slutty Edie (Nicollette Sheridan) hang herself! Over CARLOS, of all people!
People give Housewives a hard time, but I much prefer its cheerful self-parody to the unintentional silliness of other ABC soaps like Grey’s Anatomy and Brothers & Sisters. I am, however, struggling with conflicting opinions over the Edie suicide: Is it a cleverly bitter curveball or an unearned attempt at sour shock value borne of lazy writing? As usual for this show, I think the answer lies somewhere in between. And is it really suggesting, in this day and age, that this is what happens to single women over 40?
Also, what on earth will Nicollette do next? Housewives was a one-in-a-million career third-act for the washed-up Knot’s Landing star. She brought an intriguing neediness to the now-familiar “aging slut with an unexpectedly gooey center” archetype, and when Marcia Cross’ maternity leave freed up some screen time, she really came into her own.
I’m glad that somebody bothered to give us a good, old-fashioned season finale shocker. But Edie/Nicollette, we hardly knew ye…
We’ve been awaiting the inevitable for years, and it seems as if it’s finally happened: The return of Anne Heche’s Ecstasy-popping, highway-wandering, “May I please use your shower”-asking alter ego, Celestia. What fun!
Heche’s ex, the tragically named Coley Laffoon, is slinging all kinds of mud in the custody battle over the couple’s son Homer (yep, they’re sane all right). Apparently Anne/Celestia, while traveling with wee Homer, made a babbling, disoriented phone call to Coley, and then denied all memory of the incident the next day.
Usually, when a celebrity’s ex-spouse dishes public dirt, it reads as an obvious ploy for hush money in the form of exorbitant alimony. In this case, though, considering Anne’s well-documented achievements in Batshit Crazy (which she even documented in an autobiography), it’s hard to not at least hear Coley out.
Maybe all this drama will drive Anne out of the arms of her Men in Trees co-star James Tupper and back into the warm, enabling embrace of pussy.
Anne Heche’s hubby: Custody for me, psych eval for her [E! Online]
The CW (and let me just re-iterate that there are so many terrible things that C and that W could stand for) has lost faith in my beloved Veronica Mars. The show is nowhere to be found on the semi-network’s fall schedule. Farewell, Veronica, and sorry you wasted so much of your final season solving the boring case of who killed Dean Ed Begley, Jr. What’s especially sad is that the net didn’t take to creator Rob Thomas’ flash-forward “Veronica of the Lambs” idea, which could have been cool.
All of the networks announced their fall schedules this week, and I can’t say I’m looking forward to any of the newbies (particularly NBC and ABC’s respective five-years-behind-the-zeitgeist Sex and the City ripoffs, Lipstick Jungle and Cashmere Mafia). And the fact that ABC has ordered a half-hour version of the Geico caveman ads strikes me as one of the four-horseman-style forewarnings of the apocalypse.
On a completely unrelated note, Jake Gyllenhaal, Chloe Sevigny and Mark Ruffalo looked fantastic at the Cannes screening of another brilliant yet underseen crime drama, Zodiac. Jake apparently teased reporters with the news that he, Chloe and Mark once took a nap together during the production.
So now all I can say is that I’m picturing Jake and Mark spooning. Don’t. Tease us. Gyllenhaal.
The CW cancels ‘Veronica Mars’ [Yahoo!]
Jake Gyllenhaal @Cannes ‘Zodiac’ premiere [JustJared]
We’re really sad about this. No, seriously. Our condolences go out to all the Christians who needed Jerry Falwell’s leadership to channel their feelings of fear and inadequacy into a decades-long campaign for xenophobia, censorship and bigotry.
Whoever said that the truly evil tend to live long must not have factored morbid obesity into the equation. Question: Will the Moral Majority still be considered a majority without Rev. Falwell’s voluminous, jowly girth?
Jerry Falwell dies at age 73 [CNN]
Veronica Mars had probably its best episode of the season last night, and Andy Towle caps what was arguably the best part. [Towleroad]
Fireplug-like Christian woman becomes pregnant with her 17th (!) blessing from the Lord. Datalounge explodes. [Datalounge]
On the other side of the political spectrum, if not the scale, Michael Moore becomes the surprise late entry in the summer movie spurt contest. [Variety]
Ensuring that Jessica Simpson’s enormous jugs don’t steal the spotlight at the Costume Institute Gala, Julianne Moore dresses for the title role in Here’s to the Ladies Who Drink Their Lunch: The Elaine Stritch Story. [Go Fug Yourself]
So here’s some good news: After three years of tickling our fancies as Jim on The Office, John Krasinski has his first lead movie role this summer in License to Wed. The bad news: The movie co-stars Robin Williams, whose shtick is only funny to 6-year-olds and coke addicts (which explains his popularity in the ’80s), and the trailer’s pretty lame.
Labored pratfalls? Projectile baby-piss jokes? A lil’ bastard sidekick for Williams? Mandy Moore? Poor John looks to have been dealt a pretty rough hand on this one, even though the director is Ken Kwapis, who frequently calls the shots on The Office.
I’ll still probably check it out when it opens July 4, just to see how Krasinski’s knee-weakening puppy-dogness translates to the big screen, and because its only competition that weekend is Transformers. But I’ll reserve my high hopes for Leatherheads, the 1920s football flick that Krasinski shot under the direction of George Clooney, who we know will at least take care to light John properly.
License to Wed [Moviefone]
