The PEN15 Club

You guys, it’s been so long since we’ve talked. No, Merv Griffin’s all-powerful estate didn’t “disappear” me, South American dictator-style, after my last post. I’ve just been really busy starting a new job and squeezing the last savory juices out of summer, while blogger emeritus Jordan was injured in a horseback-riding accident and can only type by blowing into a tube (or is really busy with work too, whichever).

Anyway, in the last couple weeks, we’ve missed a lot: Owen Wilson’s suicide attempt, the Larry Craig scandal, the Michael Vick scandal, the Jerry Lewis scandal, Halle Berry’s pregnancy, Jude Law’s arrest, the Big Love season finale, the explosion of Superbad and everyone subsequently loving Michael Cera as much as I have since before it was legal, the iPod Touch (does the name imply that the next iteration will be controlled just by looking? Jordan?), my insane crush on Bret McKenzie of Flight of the Conchords, and the Wentworth Miller/Luke MacFarlane paparazzi shots (or as I call them, the “busted!” series).

I could have chosen any of the above topics for my triumphant return to blogging, but instead I choose to draw your attention to my new muse, Brenda Dickson. Bren rose to fame in the early ’70s as one of the original cast members of The Young and the Restless, back when daytime soaps were still relevant to the masses, or at least the masses of women who didn’t yet “work outside the home.” In 1987, her diva antics got her fired, and so she attempted to capitalize on the burgeoning home video phenomenon by writing, directing and exec producing Welcome to My Home, a hilariously…well, I’m not even going to waste words describing it, as mere words cannot come close. Just watch.

The forgotten video received a YouTube revival a few months ago, which led to some play on The Soup and a brilliant voice-over sendup (how brilliant? Two words: “busy furlough”).

All the attention compelled me to find out what’s become of Old Bren. Would you believe that, earlier this year, she spent three months in a Hawaiian prison for failing to vacate the premises of the home she shared with her ex-husband, which was to be sold as part of their divorce settlement? And just when she was whoring her way back onto the occasional red carpet!

Until fairly recently, Brenda was providing updates on her bizarre saga in the form of rambling, discursive missives labeled “press releases” on her website. But a few months ago, the releases stopped. Does anyone out there have any info on Brenda? Is VH-1 going to give her the reality show she so richly deserves (and obviously craves)? Seriously, if Oxygen can build an entire series around Tori Spelling pretending to run an inn, then Brenda deserves at least six half-hour episodes. I even have a title for it: “Well, Hello!”

Welcome to My Home [YouTube]
Welcome to My Home parody [YouTube]
Brenda Dickson [Wikipedia]
Brenda’s website