The PEN15 Club

Okay, I know there wasn’t much to get excited about this World Series. A 4-game sweep isn’t fun for anyone except my liver and my social life, even if it’s your team manhandling a bunch of mountain dwellers who had no business being in the World Series to begin with.

But I managed to find a few things to get exited about. And here they are in reverse-order of obsessionocity.

Jason Varitek
The gentlest of the Sox’ three cuddly basebears (the others being Mike Lowell and Kevin Youkilis, of course). So big and brawny that you’d need a belayer to climb him. And let it be known that not only is he team captain, but he bats both ways. If you know what I mean. Oh, and he kind of looks like a bat swinging Colin Farrell, no? Not that Colin hasn’t shown us how he can swing a bat…

Dustin Pedroia
Okay, he’s not from Massachusetts, but something about this miniature baseball player (5′9″!) just screams of Lowell townie. And that’s precisely why he’s so adorable. That and the gargantuan schnoz that somehow manages to be beak-like and up-turned at the same time. And who doesn’t like a guy whose nostrils you can see up from any angle?

Jacoby Ellsbury
My mad crush on this young rookie developed organically throughout the last two series. It’s now reached a full-blown obsession that has hijacked my mind and prevented me from thinking about much else. First, he’s a fucking good ball player. Second, he’s got just enough gay affect to make me nervous for him when I think about Dustin Pedroia-related shower antics. I imagine he showers in board shorts.

Apparently Ellbury has a girlfriend, but then again, so does A-Rod. But one thing’s for sure, he can catch my fly ball any day.

(Thanks to Queerty for the photo montage that has prevented me from getting any work done today. And I’ll also credit the original source for Queerty, too: the ladies over at Ladies… that put together the alarm clock photo in, sadly, photoshop.)