Please no more Rumer Willis coverage. It needs to stop. I realize that by posting this, I’m contributing to the problem, but typically, when an injustice is wreaked upon society, the worst thing you can do is stay silent about it, right?
Has Demi Moore learned so little from her own failed experiment in famewhore-ism? The woman works maybe one month out of the year and yet assures her place in the tabloids by hitching her fading star to her much-younger, kind-of-over husband.
So now Rumer’s appearing in an Anna Faris vehicle, and milking it as her official Hollywood coming-out party. She wants to be the new obnoxious celebutard you’d pay to see drawn and quartered on live television.
[And now for a sidebar: I’m sort of over Anna Faris. I always thought she was a talented diamond in the rough of some pretty bad movies, but you’d think that by now she’d have found a way to be in something of quality ever. Plus her guest shot on last week’s Entourage annoyed the Christ out of me, mostly because the other characters were treating her like she was Sandra fucking Bullock (you know there’s no way she lives in a house that big), and I hate that she pronounces her first name “ah-na.” If your name is spelled “Anna” rather than “Ana” and you’re pronouncing it “ah-na,” you suck. Period.]
Anyway, back to Rumer. It’s often been said that she is a living example of one of those Conan O’Brien worst-case-scenario if-they-mated gags. It’s true. It looks like they painted Demi’s features on Bruce’s giant head.
The fact that her parents are letting this unattractive, notoriously potty-mouthed 18-year-old forgo college and take baby steps into a career that is obviously doomed, one whose failure will be exhaustively chronicled in the press, is so depressing that it makes me cringe at the sight of her just a little bit less. But not much.
Rumer Willis is a ‘House Bunny’ [JustJared]
If I hear one more thing about David and Victoria motherfucking Beckham - the U.K.’s crassest, most ferret-faced nouveau riche exports - I will hunt them down and suffocate them with one of Posh’s Joan Collins-style wide-brimmed hats. And this fashion victim twat has the nerve to call out Americans on our shitty style. She’s not wrong, but people who live in glass Juicy Couture sweats shouldn’t throw stones. Or something. [TMZ]
Revolta “addresses” those longstanding gay “rumors,” just in time for his big-screen drag debut. [NY Times]
Frathouse dudebro slash New NBC Honcho Ben Silverman announces his douchebaggery by hiring Isaiah Washington. The good news is that it’s for no less doomed a project than that Bionic Woman remake. [Variety]
I just discovered that my television had channels other than Bravo the other day. And I didn’t care. Do you remember how shitty Bravo was just five years ago? Using the word “comeback” would only be more appropriate describing a morning-after with Lance Bass.
And now there’s Hey Paula, what will perhaps be the newest hit for the little network that could. My TiVo is more set than Kelly Clarkson’s In-and-Out schedule.
What I think is great about Hey Paula is that you can totally tell from the promos that Ms. Abdul actually believes this show will prove she’s not crazy. They keep dropping in soundbites that are like, “Open your mind and judge for yourself,” as if the entire fucking world is going to call friends over, order pizza and sit around thinking, “Oh! How silly of me to think that she was fucked out of her mind. I didn’t see her take a single Closopine the entire 23 minute episode! She’s actually quite motivated.”
Meanwhile, the producers are making sure they don’t leave out the part where she, say, takes a piss in the salad bar at Whole Foods (because “what’s more organic than that?”) assuring that millions of gays will shake their heads, click their tongues, and think, “girl gonna make Anna Nicole blush. Pour me another sangria.”
Speaking of Anna Nicole, perhaps Bravo is already getting cold feet at the thought of documenting the unraveling of another female celebrity, because the show has yet to appear on Bravo’s website. However, a lovely YouTuber has collected all the promos.
I thought it would take a lot to feel the gaping void left in me when John Krasinski pulled out [of Thursday night television until next season] on me, but it seems like a little Abdul might do the trick.
Hey, Paula [Variety]
It’s been 13 years since they first threatened to remake The Women, George Cukor’s classic 1939 ensemble bitchfest, and finally, after eight million cast changes, cameras will roll August 6.
And listen to this sad, washed-up ensemble: Smegma Ryan (do you think she’ll play the spurned divorcee?), Annette Bening, Deb Messing, Jada Pinkett Smith, Eva Mendes, Candice Bergen. Not exactly the 2007 equivalent of Joan Crawford, Rosalind Russell, Norma Shearer, Paulette Goddard and Joan Fontaine. Worse, the film is to be written and directed by Murphy Brown (remember that?) mastermind Diane English. And it’s going to be set in the present day. And it’s partially funded by Dove (so expect tons of soap-related product placement).
These are all unforgivable sins, but the news actually gets worse: According to Variety, “the gals aren’t as relentlessly catty this time around.”
Jigga-whut? The whole reason the original is remembered at all - and the Clare Booth Luce play on which it was based is still produced - is the relentless cattiness. If English waters this down into a story of female empowerment via friendship I’ll vomit up tubes of jungle red lipstick.
‘Women’ finally ready for makeover [Variety]
CSL-sporting Tudors hottie Jonathan Rhys Meyers is the latest celeb to indulge in Rehab Chic.
Does drunkenness explain why JRM was spotted working out in purple velour sweatpants? Or his decision to follow up his Match Point breakthrough with Showtime’s panned period soap?
At least Jonathan is nipping his problem in the bud before it’s made him unemployable, unlike some, say, Lindsay Lohans we know of.
Following her “mysterious” last-minute departures from the Annette Bening drama A Woman of No Importance (she was replaced by Jessica Biel) andthe Aaron Eckhart thriller Bill (Jessica Alba), Lohan has dropped out of the Keira Knightley period piece The Best Time of Our Lives, reportedly because “she and the financiers couldn’t come to a deal.” (She’ll be replaced by that avatar of talent and professionalism, Sienna Miller).
What do you want to bet Lohan’s antics have finally made her uninsurable? Welcome to Winona Ryderville, Lohan, population you! (Well, you and Winona.)
Jonathan Rhys Meyers checks into rehab [People]
Miller takes ‘Lives,’ replaces Lohan [Variety]
Oh my God, you guys, we’ve been gone for so long and missed so much…please indulge me in a little catch-up…
In the wake of the Don Imus scandal, doesn’t it seem doubly amiss that Isaiah Washington - who not only used a comparably offensive slur, but did it while getting into a fistfight with a co-worker - still has a job at Grey’s Anatomy? Adding insult to injury, the show just won a GLAAD Media Award. Along with Jennifer Aniston (for starring in The Object of My Affection nine years ago?). Thanks for having your priorities straight, GLAAD. I’m sure the argument is that sucking up to big names - regardless of their relevance to actual gay issues - raises the visibility of the fight for equality overall. I, however, call it starfucking bullshit. [GLAAD.org]
Speaking of Grey’s, its upcoming Kate Walsh-centered spinoff features the stunning Chris Lowell, who was playing the adorable Piz on Veronica Mars until he mysteriously disappeared midseason. Oh, and at some point, he apparently ends up in the hospital wearing swim trunks and carrying a surfboard. [JustJared]
Edward Norton sells out like few actors have sold out before - starring as The Incredible Hulk in a craven attempt to revive the franchise that even Ang Lee couldn’t jumpstart. [Variety]
The latest news in the ongoing saga of Terry McMillan’s failed marriage to her young, gay husband: She’s suing him for $40 million. The idea is that the DL dude, Jonathan Plummer, owes Terry for damage to her reputation: namely, that the author of Waiting to Exhale and How Stella Got Her Groove Back would be dumb enough to fall for the wiles of a golddigging young homosexual (who is, sadly, far less attractive than Taye Diggs, who basically played him in the movie; he looks more like the barback at an Al Reynolds toga party).
Uh, Terry, if you’re so concerned about the details of your marital flameout (so to speak), why did you talk about it (with Plummer) on Oprah? I’m still a little surprised that the Big O devoted a show to this topic anyway - wasn’t she concerned that it would give Stedman ideas?
Terry McMillan sues ex-husband for $40 million [People]
Karen Allen. Kate Capshaw. Alison (heh heh) Doody.
What do these women have in common? They’ve all played the female lead in Steven Spielberg’s Indiana Jones movies, and faded promptly into obscurity (with the minor exception of Capshaw, who smartly married her director and has settled into a long career of red-carpet arm candy).
So now that Spielberg, possibly seeking to shake off the grimness of Munich, is resurrecting Indy and its paleolithic star, Harrison Ford, which doomed starlet has he selected to follow, lemminglike, off the cliff of Indy-babedom?
Uh, Cate Blanchett. That’s right. The brilliant, chameleonic Oscar winner, last seen fending off Judi Dench’s lady-advances in Notes on a Scandal and pissing herself in Babel, has been chosen for an unspecified role in the next Indiana Jones film. This is also the same Blanchett who’s been talking about eschewing films in order to focus on her role as Artistic Director of the Sydney Theatre Company.
Way to blend art and commerce, Cate. Just beware the Doody curse.
Blanchett on crusade to ‘Indiana Jones 4′ [Hollywood Reporter]
We were asleep at the switch during Tranny Annie’s latest stunt (why Ms. Coulter, we LOVE the way your Adam’s apple trembles when you say “faggot!”). All we could think about is how awesome it would be if super-dreamy John Edwards were gay. Here, Aaron Shure makes a good case for Coulter as the real-life Borat. Meanwhile, in London, a naked Daniel Radcliffe goes on trial for blinding six Ann Coulters in Equus. [Huffington Post]
Royal rapscallions Wills and Harry have fun with the QE2 voicemail. Poor Liz - first Helen Mirren, now this! [Monsters and Critics]
America loves gay panic jokes! Faced with the option of seeing Wild Hogs, a star vehicle for John Travolta, Martin Lawrence and Tim Allen, audiences decided that three wrongs, in this case, make a right. Reviews site an overwhelming reliance on comic “misunderstandings” that cause Travolta, Lawrence, Allen and William H. Macy’s characters to be mistaken for (the horror!) gays. Between this and his upcoming drag role in Hairspray, Revolta’s closet issues are writ large in multiplexes this year. In this case, they also kicked the ass of David Fincher’s Zodiac, which is A) brilliant and B) features much hotter actors. Go figure. [Box Office Mojo]
A day after being raked over the red carpet coals by fashion critics for her blah cocoa-colored gown and absurd tinfoil shrug, Jennifer Hudson has denounced the Oscar de la Renta gown, calling it her only Oscar night regret. Dlisted interprets this as a slap in the face to Vogue editor/soul queen Andre Leon Talley, who apparently strong-armed J Hud into wearing the outfit, then kept fawningly referring to her as “the new people’s princess!” in his cringe-inducing ABC red carpet preshow.
One can imagine Talley’s response to the Hudson diss:
Oooooh, girleena! I do not expect no people’s princess to be readin’ me like that! I caught a glimpse of Anika Noni Rose at the Governor’s Ball, and let me tell you, she is the new Glamazona, High Fashion Empress of Spaceship Earth!
I think he looks and sounds like what might happen if Al swallowed Star.
Blame Andre [DListed]
