Archive for the 'Club News' Category

Obligatory Emmy reaction post

betty.jpgI’m excited about reacting to this morning’s Emmy nominations in this post, in part because it harks back to the very first PEN15 post, which was also about the Emmys. This means that the PEN15 Club has celebrated its two-year anniversary, and I didn’t even realize it. So good for us.

Now onto the Emmys. Here are my thoughts:

1. I’m glad that no dowager character actresses are nominated three times this year (Tina Fey has three nods, but she writes as well as acts, and runs the funniest show currently on TV).

2. It was a good year for newly out-of-the-closet gays, as both T.R. Knight and Neil Patrick Harris ended up with nods.

3. The death of the television comedy series continues unabated, as the Academy appropriately showers praise on The Office and 30 Rock, but then somehow expects us to believe that they honestly think Entourage, Ugly Betty and Two and a Half Men are funny. They’re not. (It would have killed them to nominate Extras?) Thank God Curb Your Enthusiasm returns this year.

4. New voting procedures (a popularity contest decided a top 10 for each category, which was then judged by a blue-ribbon panel of people who presumably were forced to actually watch an episode of each show) favored crap like Boston Legal in the drama series category over more complex, serialized fare such as Friday Night Lights, Battlestar Galactica, The Wire and Lost.

5. Kathy Griffin is back in the reality show category, so her faux-diva outburst at last year’s Creative Arts Emmys obviously wasn’t held against her. If she loses to that cokehead douchebag Ty Pennington again, she should burn the place down.

6. The drama series actress categories remain the Domain of the Fallen Film Actresses: Patricia Arquette, Minnie Driver, Sally Field, Rachel Griffiths, Lorraine Bracco, Kyra Sedgwick. In the mid-’90s this could conceivably have been an Oscar lineup.

7. Despite the popularity of The Office and 30 Rock, there was no love for either John Krasinski or Jane Krakowski. I wonder if voters got them confused.

Emmy nominations list [Variety]

Sputum if you got ‘em: The PEN15 banned word list

2006_06_katie-thumb.jpgIn the wake of the Katie Couric “sputum slap” incident, we’re instituting a banned word list for the PEN15 Club. These are terms that really have no place on this site. They’re cutesy and inane and generally unpleasant, and they seem to have pervaded all corners of the media. They make our skin crawl, and if we ever hire an intern, we won’t be afraid to deliver a vicious face-slapping in the event he or she slips one into a post.

1. Baby bump: We don’t like kids in real life, so we really don’t get all that excited when, say, Naomi Watts is about to have one. And if we were, we’d refer to her distended midsection as just that.
2. Canoodle: This insipid term almost always refers to straight couples who can’t keep their hands off each other and, in the words of Aunt Sassy, we don’t need to see that.
3. Claire Danes: “Dishwater” contains fewer characters, and you only have to press the return key once.
4. Bling: Or any other formerly-ghetto slang that Ryan Seacrest can deliver with a straight face.
5. Belly fat or “unwanted belly fat”: See “baby bump.”
6. Any gay-related compound noun beginning with “tea:” We’re under 60.

Mag: Couric ’slapped’ staffer [Drudge Report]

It’s time.

snuffHi friends. Jordan here. I know I keep threatening to actually give Rob a hand in running this joint, but I’ve found it increasingly difficult to find opportunities to write with my new work situation. And frankly, there’s a bigger problem than my schedule: living so far away from Rob. Truth be told, not only is he the greatest guy I know, but he’s also my comedic muse. For serious. I’m remarkably less clever without being able to suckle on the teat of wit and wisdom that is Rob. We even tried breast pumps and FedEx and it just wasn’t the same; something happens to Rob’s funny-milk when it’s exposed to jet fuel that turns it into something that might as well have dripped out of Dane Cook.

Too far? Too far.

But dammitall, I’m not throwing in the towel. Last night I saw Kathy Griffin do a two and a half hour set at the Gibson Amphitheater. My sides still hurt – from the laughing, not the sharp, flailing elbows of the surrounding gays. Oh yeah, the guy to my right was “straight,” which he insisted on exclaiming multiple times throughout the evening. I wonder if he felt like I did that time I was kidnapped and forced to watch “Everybody Loves Raymond.” My point is, if Kathy can turn out a killer (and what I presume to be mostly fresh) show night after night, I can write a few schlocky posts about the gay news and my new celebrity neighbors for y’all.

So where to start? All of our favorite topics (The View, TR Knight, Meg Ryan, Anderson Cooper, etc.) have been co-opted by the regular media and are probably wearing thin with you. But who/what is the new paradigm of ridiculousness?

Oh! And by this time next week, Rob will be here in LA visiting me, which not only means a fantastic photo gallery is coming your way, but I’ll also be able to stockpile and freeze a bunch of the funny to keep this bitch hummin’.

Salivating over Private Ryan, or “Rounders”

06-matt-damon-surfing.jpgI had intended to take a PEN15 hiatus during the month of June, thanks to a combination work/travel clusterfuck, but this picture of Matt Damon surfing wrenched me out of my blogger coma.

Damon is a terrific actor, and I value his thoughtful and topical contributions to cinema (even if he’s starring in not one but two “part threes” this summer), but it needs to be said: The man’s ass alone deserves $10 million a picture. No wonder he’s surfing. That thing probably controls the tides.

Leave it to one of Hollywood’s few really obviously straight leading men to be packing that kind of junk in his trunk. If anyone cares, Ben Affleck is also featured in the linked photo set.

That’s probably all till July, but please email!

Matt Damon surfing [JustJared]

Pounded by Peyton, and other punishments I wouldn’t turn down

sad tomOh, how I wish I were still in Boston to lick up Tom Brady’s enormous tears while I lovingly massage his broad shoulders. It’s a little known fact that I used to be on the Patriots’ payroll to do just that.

But instead, I had to watch the gut wrenching game from afar, all by my lonesome in a land that doesn’t understand the true meaning of the word “wicked.” In my incredible list of things I’ll miss about Boston – Rob being perched right at the top – is Boston sports. Indeed, both the Pats and the Sox have this magical way of making a clueless queer sit up and pay attention. And it’s not just because of the jock straps and locker room interviews. Playoff games in both sports have all the drama of a good drag show, and the added benefit of nachos and beer.

So now as the Patriots go into hibernation, I’ll be gettin’ back into the game here at the Club. It’s been an intense few days, but I’m already drenched in some hot Hollywood goo to share with y’all. But not tonight. Instead, I have to make a last-ditch push to get rid of this jetlag before I start my new job tomorrow.

Soon!

Indianapolis Jolt [Boston.com]

Extending the PEN15’s reach

hollywoodSo I have a confession to make. Not only did Rob and I eat enough over our holiday break to gain an entire Joshua Jackson, but I was also busy making a somewhat bittersweet decision. Not that any of y’all care where Rob and I are located as long as the sass flows forth bountifully, but I’d like to use my recent decision as an excuse for what may be a quiet couple of weeks for my posts on the PEN15.

I’m makin’ the move from Boston to Los Angeles in couple of weeks. Rob and I felt that one of us had to be on the forecunt of the Celebrity Skirt Burst™ phenomenon to get some first hand reporting on the latest labia about town. So I’m trading my Red Sox cap for a surfboard and high tailing it to the West Coast.

Okay, the truth is, I don’t own a Sox cap. And I probably won’t surf. And I’m not moving to LA to be on 24/7 poontroll. In fact, I’m not even all that crazy about LA (yet), and never would have even considered living there if a somewhat amazing job opportunity hadn’t grabbed me by the nuts. So I’m going to try it out. Do some advertising in the sun, and then contemplate a move back East in a few years. Maybe.

The fact of the matter is, deciding to leave Boston was the single hardest decision I’ve ever made, particularly because it means putting an uncomfortable amount of distance between me and Rob, my best friend and one of the greatest guys I’ve ever known. It’s a bit premature to get sentimental, so I’ll leave it at that for now.

I assure you that when I’m settled, The PEN15 Club will only get better because of our bi-coastal coverage. What other gay cultural criticism blog can claim such pan-American moxie? As for the podcast… well, we’ll have to work that out. Technology is a wonderful thing.

Now, which of our left coast readers is gettin’ my first drink?

PEN15 2.0: A slicker PEN15

PEN15 ClubOkay, so we were getting a little tired of things breaking at the PEN15 Club. Like the Blogroll, the email notifications, tags, and other things. So we’ve packed things up and moved over to WordPress. That’s why we’ve been so quiet lately. Rob insists on carefully labeling everything and making sure the moving boys get good and sweaty before anything happens.

During the transition, there’s going to be a few glitches. Like, the blogroll, email notifications, and tags are, uh, still broken. Or just not implemented yet. It’s not a drastic change - we tried to make the ‘club look somewhat familiar - but things are definitely looking a little cleaner and a little less loose. It’s like one of those vagina tightening surgeries I’ve read so much about. That’s right, we’ve had our preverbial vag tightened.

Anyway, we hope you enjoy the changes, and do let us know if there are any bugs or additions you’d like to see! We look forward to many more PEN15 posts!

We love our readers!

Sear But, in all honesty, some of you are complete lunatics. Every once in a while, a filthy, depraved site like ours has to step back and examine the search terms that draw web surfers into our realm. And, frankly, we don’t always like what we see.

Here’s a list of recent searches as reported early this morning. You’ll notice at the top of the list: “Mel Gibson is right about the Jews,” which generates a link to my sarcastically titled post, “The Jews made Mel drink and drive.”

Okay, so you’re disturbed. Now, let your eyes wander down the list - but not all the way down. “Michelle Rodriguez pussy” and “Mary-Louise Parker fucked clip weeds” actually seem gentle compared to the fourth item from the bottom: “Elisabeth Hasselbeck sexy breast pics.”

I don’t do this often, but at some point you have to stand up for what you think is right. Anyone who sincerely believes this garbage, this filth, this hate speech - anyone who actually finds Elisabeth Hasselbeck sexy - is respectfully asked not to read this site again. We don’t want your traffic! Come back when you’re looking for naked pictures of Chloe Sevigny.

Broken Email Notifications

Dear PEN15 Club Subscribers,

We know that the email notifications are broken for those of you that have subscribed to the PEN15 Club. We recently updated our version of Movable Type, the blogging engine that manages all of this madness, and many of the add-on plugins were not compatible with the new version. We are working out the kinks, but in the meantime, you’ll have to bookmark the ol’ Club and check back on your own.

You may also notice that the Tags are no longer working. This, too, shall be fixed soon.

We’ll keep you updated as things progress!

The PEN15 is going on vacation

200606141652 Gosh, we’ve worked the PEN15 hard this year. We really have. And now it’s tired. So Jordan and I have embarked (separately) on sun-filled, drinking-tequila-all-afternoon summer vacations.

Which means we won’t be around to track the progress of the upcoming Missy Elliot biopic. Or plead for the pardon of eco-warrior Daryl Hannah. Or make fun of Britney Spears for telling Matt Lauer that she wants to squeeze out Federletus 2 in Namibia, Angelina-style.

Don’t worry, though. We’ll be back and posting on Tuesday the 20th. Let us know what we miss!

Missy Elliott to star in her life story [San Francisco Chronicle]

Daryl Hannah speaks to media from jail cell [Ireland Online]

Britney Spears baby news - she wants to give birth in Namibia [Best Syndication]