Although our site has a penis pun in its name, in 2007 it became increasingly impossible even for us to deny the vast, all-consuming power of the vagina. The steadily escalating trend of starlet pussy slips in past years seemed to lay the groundwork for an unprecented vag-splosion of gynocentricity in popular culture.
From the poonhound dialogue in Superbad (”I’ll be the Iron Chef of pounding vazzzzh!”) to the unprecedented rash of career-interrupting premature pregnancies (smell ya later, Jessica Alba!), those twin Americans obsessions - sex and baby bumps - joined forces to create a mini-zeitgeist in which pussy was on everyone’s lips. (Except ours, of course.)
With that (and with all due apologies to the MacArthur Foundation), we’re pleased to award the following Vagenius Grants for 2007:
Brenda Dickson: The deposed soap slag’s cameltoe-drenched 1987 “Welcome to My Home” video was rediscovered through the magic of YouTube, inspiring a gutbusting series of parody voiceovers and prompting at least one “fan” to lash out in the former actress’ defense. We’re just glad the phrase “Notice the slit?” has permanently entered our lexicon.
Alexyss K. Tylor: Public access TV superstar Alexyss K. Tylor was another YouTube success d’vagine.. Her Vagina Power series featured a touching rapport between Alexyss and her mother, who played the benign Andy to Alexyss’ orgasm-obsessed Conan. Bonus points: Alexyss’ Hotlanta accent often causes her to pronounce “vagina” with a B.
The casts of Feast of Love and Tell Me You Love Me: We’re not sure why the year’s two most elaborate mainstream showcases of female nudity both co-starred multiple Oscar nominee and former NEA chairwoman Jane Alexander. All I know is that her septuagenarian sex scene with David Selby (Quentin from Dark Shadows!) on HBO’s otherwise dull Tell Me was an even bigger turnoff than the much-ballyhooed Adam Scott Prosthetic Handjob.
Jamie Lynn Spears: As big a year as it was for Britney, her little sis helped ensure that the Spears name will forever be synonymous with the term “cooter.” Canny trendspotters have already named “keeping the baby” as the hot new fad for 2008. Won’t someone please think of the knitting needles?
That sound you hear is Tom Cruise sucking down a sweet slurp of nourishing placenta.
The countdown until the wide release of Brokeback Mountain is nearly over. Over a year ago, Rob told me about the gay cowboy movie that was in the making, and from the get-go, I had visions of train wrecks dancing through my head. After all, the tome of gay cinema isn’t embarrassed with Oscar nominations. Up until this point, it’s been The Broken Hearts Club, Eating Out, and Mission Impossible II topping the list of cinematic contributions by us gays. Very, very sad.
