Archive for the 'Films' Category

Doomed remake to exhume washed-up sitcom stars

Published by Rob on May 31, 2007 in Bitches, Career Suicide, Celebs and Films. 3 Comments

ryan_meg.jpgIt’s been 13 years since they first threatened to remake The Women, George Cukor’s classic 1939 ensemble bitchfest, and finally, after eight million cast changes, cameras will roll August 6.

And listen to this sad, washed-up ensemble: Smegma Ryan (do you think she’ll play the spurned divorcee?), Annette Bening, Deb Messing, Jada Pinkett Smith, Eva Mendes, Candice Bergen. Not exactly the 2007 equivalent of Joan Crawford, Rosalind Russell, Norma Shearer, Paulette Goddard and Joan Fontaine. Worse, the film is to be written and directed by Murphy Brown (remember that?) mastermind Diane English. And it’s going to be set in the present day. And it’s partially funded by Dove (so expect tons of soap-related product placement).

These are all unforgivable sins, but the news actually gets worse: According to Variety, “the gals aren’t as relentlessly catty this time around.”

Jigga-whut? The whole reason the original is remembered at all - and the Clare Booth Luce play on which it was based is still produced - is the relentless cattiness. If English waters this down into a story of female empowerment via friendship I’ll vomit up tubes of jungle red lipstick.

‘Women’ finally ready for makeover [Variety]

A sad death (unlike Jerry Falwell’s)

Published by Rob on May 17, 2007 in Celebs, Films and TV. 1 Comment

930.jpgThe CW (and let me just re-iterate that there are so many terrible things that C and that W could stand for) has lost faith in my beloved Veronica Mars. The show is nowhere to be found on the semi-network’s fall schedule. Farewell, Veronica, and sorry you wasted so much of your final season solving the boring case of who killed Dean Ed Begley, Jr. What’s especially sad is that the net didn’t take to creator Rob Thomas’ flash-forward “Veronica of the Lambs” idea, which could have been cool.

All of the networks announced their fall schedules this week, and I can’t say I’m looking forward to any of the newbies (particularly NBC and ABC’s respective five-years-behind-the-zeitgeist Sex and the City ripoffs, Lipstick Jungle and Cashmere Mafia). And the fact that ABC has ordered a half-hour version of the Geico caveman ads strikes me as one of the four-horseman-style forewarnings of the apocalypse.

On a completely unrelated note, Jake Gyllenhaal, Chloe Sevigny and Mark Ruffalo looked fantastic at the Cannes screening of another brilliant yet underseen crime drama, Zodiac. Jake apparently teased reporters with the news that he, Chloe and Mark once took a nap together during the production.

So now all I can say is that I’m picturing Jake and Mark spooning. Don’t. Tease us. Gyllenhaal.

The CW cancels ‘Veronica Mars’ [Yahoo!]
Jake Gyllenhaal @Cannes ‘Zodiac’ premiere [JustJared]

PEN15 Drippings: 5/9/07

Published by Rob on May 9, 2007 in Bitches, Celebs, Drippings, Films, Gunts and Style. 0 Comments

740948771.jpgVeronica Mars had probably its best episode of the season last night, and Andy Towle caps what was arguably the best part. [Towleroad]

Fireplug-like Christian woman becomes pregnant with her 17th (!) blessing from the Lord. Datalounge explodes. [Datalounge]

On the other side of the political spectrum, if not the scale, Michael Moore becomes the surprise late entry in the summer movie spurt contest. [Variety]

Ensuring that Jessica Simpson’s enormous jugs don’t steal the spotlight at the Costume Institute Gala, Julianne Moore dresses for the title role in Here’s to the Ladies Who Drink Their Lunch: The Elaine Stritch Story. [Go Fug Yourself]

Trailer Trash: Big-screen Jim

Published by Rob on May 4, 2007 in Celebs and Films. 0 Comments

url.jpgSo here’s some good news: After three years of tickling our fancies as Jim on The Office, John Krasinski has his first lead movie role this summer in License to Wed. The bad news: The movie co-stars Robin Williams, whose shtick is only funny to 6-year-olds and coke addicts (which explains his popularity in the ’80s), and the trailer’s pretty lame.

Labored pratfalls? Projectile baby-piss jokes? A lil’ bastard sidekick for Williams? Mandy Moore? Poor John looks to have been dealt a pretty rough hand on this one, even though the director is Ken Kwapis, who frequently calls the shots on The Office.

I’ll still probably check it out when it opens July 4, just to see how Krasinski’s knee-weakening puppy-dogness translates to the big screen, and because its only competition that weekend is Transformers. But I’ll reserve my high hopes for Leatherheads, the 1920s football flick that Krasinski shot under the direction of George Clooney, who we know will at least take care to light John properly.

License to Wed [Moviefone]

PEN15 Drippings: “We’re back, I promise” Edition

Published by Rob on April 16, 2007 in Career Suicide, Celebs, Drippings, Films and TV. 2 Comments

070118_washington_knight1.jpgOh my God, you guys, we’ve been gone for so long and missed so much…please indulge me in a little catch-up…

In the wake of the Don Imus scandal, doesn’t it seem doubly amiss that Isaiah Washington - who not only used a comparably offensive slur, but did it while getting into a fistfight with a co-worker - still has a job at Grey’s Anatomy? Adding insult to injury, the show just won a GLAAD Media Award. Along with Jennifer Aniston (for starring in The Object of My Affection nine years ago?). Thanks for having your priorities straight, GLAAD. I’m sure the argument is that sucking up to big names - regardless of their relevance to actual gay issues - raises the visibility of the fight for equality overall. I, however, call it starfucking bullshit. [GLAAD.org]

Speaking of Grey’s, its upcoming Kate Walsh-centered spinoff features the stunning Chris Lowell, who was playing the adorable Piz on Veronica Mars until he mysteriously disappeared midseason. Oh, and at some point, he apparently ends up in the hospital wearing swim trunks and carrying a surfboard. [JustJared]

Edward Norton sells out like few actors have sold out before - starring as The Incredible Hulk in a craven attempt to revive the franchise that even Ang Lee couldn’t jumpstart. [Variety]

PEN15 Drippings: 03/22/07

Published by Rob on March 22, 2007 in Celebs, Drippings, Films and TV. 0 Comments

jesse-metcalfe-pictures1.jpgJesse Metcalfe, he of the wooden line readings and voluptuous man-rack, becomes the latest twentysomething celeb to indulge in Rehab Chic… [Just Jared]

…while his former Desperate Housewives co-stud James Denton shells out seven figures for a baseball team. That’s an awfully audacious display of job security for someone who spent most of this season in a coma. [TMZ]

A suicidal six new movies open nationwide this weekend, and the Adam Sandler vehicle is the best-reviewed one. Shudder. [Rottentomatoes]

Goya’s Ghosts hasn’t even been released in the U.S. yet, but the geek fanboys are already drooling over Natalie Portman’s character’s nude torture scenes. You can turn your attention back to BSG, boys: It’s a body double. [IESB.net]

Indiana Jones and the career move of doom

Published by Rob on March 16, 2007 in Career Suicide, Celebs and Films. 4 Comments

cate_blanchett.jpgKaren Allen. Kate Capshaw. Alison (heh heh) Doody.

What do these women have in common? They’ve all played the female lead in Steven Spielberg’s Indiana Jones movies, and faded promptly into obscurity (with the minor exception of Capshaw, who smartly married her director and has settled into a long career of red-carpet arm candy).

So now that Spielberg, possibly seeking to shake off the grimness of Munich, is resurrecting Indy and its paleolithic star, Harrison Ford, which doomed starlet has he selected to follow, lemminglike, off the cliff of Indy-babedom?

Uh, Cate Blanchett. That’s right. The brilliant, chameleonic Oscar winner, last seen fending off Judi Dench’s lady-advances in Notes on a Scandal and pissing herself in Babel, has been chosen for an unspecified role in the next Indiana Jones film. This is also the same Blanchett who’s been talking about eschewing films in order to focus on her role as Artistic Director of the Sydney Theatre Company.

Way to blend art and commerce, Cate. Just beware the Doody curse.

Blanchett on crusade to ‘Indiana Jones 4′ [Hollywood Reporter]

Hey, it’s fat Jared! (No, not the Subway shill)

Published by Rob on March 7, 2007 in Celebs and Films. 1 Comment

jared-leto-transformation.jpgIf the thought of Jared Leto in his tighy-whities makes you swoon, think again. These shots of Leto’s DeNiro-esque weight gain to play Lennon assassin Mark David Chapman in the indie Chapter 27 look like B roll from the gluttony scene in Se7en.

Massive, unhealthy weight gain or loss in the service of one’s acting is one of the most desperate pleas for Academy attention available. Unfortunately, Chapter 27 (co-starring Lindsay Lohan!) still lacks a theatrical distributor, and if its reception at Sundance was any indication, it’s unlikely to see any exposure outside of your local Netflix queue anytime soon.

Oh, and Jared: Can you ditch the douchebaggy eyeliner already? It doesn’t make us forget that you used to be a YM coverboy.
Jared Leto’s weight transformation [JustJared]

PEN15 Drippings: 3/5/07

Published by Rob on March 5, 2007 in Bitches, Career Suicide, Celebs, Drippings, Films and Politics. 3 Comments

30413491_edwards0309s.jpgWe were asleep at the switch during Tranny Annie’s latest stunt (why Ms. Coulter, we LOVE the way your Adam’s apple trembles when you say “faggot!”). All we could think about is how awesome it would be if super-dreamy John Edwards were gay. Here, Aaron Shure makes a good case for Coulter as the real-life Borat. Meanwhile, in London, a naked Daniel Radcliffe goes on trial for blinding six Ann Coulters in Equus. [Huffington Post]

Royal rapscallions Wills and Harry have fun with the QE2 voicemail. Poor Liz - first Helen Mirren, now this! [Monsters and Critics]

America loves gay panic jokes! Faced with the option of seeing Wild Hogs, a star vehicle for John Travolta, Martin Lawrence and Tim Allen, audiences decided that three wrongs, in this case, make a right. Reviews site an overwhelming reliance on comic “misunderstandings” that cause Travolta, Lawrence, Allen and William H. Macy’s characters to be mistaken for (the horror!) gays. Between this and his upcoming drag role in Hairspray, Revolta’s closet issues are writ large in multiplexes this year. In this case, they also kicked the ass of David Fincher’s Zodiac, which is A) brilliant and B) features much hotter actors. Go figure. [Box Office Mojo]

And the Oscar goes to… “trashed”

Published by Rob on February 23, 2007 in Celebs, Films and Oscar Fever. 1 Comment

2007-02-22t212822z_01_nootr_rtridsp_2_ouken-uk-oscars-scorsese.jpgThe headline, of course, refers to the category of “What will Rob’s physical/mental state be at the end of Oscar night?” In the meantime, here’s who I think is winning, along with my preferences - ’cause dammit, I took the time to see everything (even Venus and Letters from Iwo Jima, and I’m willing to bet even Clint Eastwood’s and Peter O’Toole’s grandchildren didn’t even pay to see those).

I’m not typing out all the damn nominees. If you need it for reference, it’s here.

For further Oscar reading, I highly recommend visiting the Film Experience blog, where Nathaniel has done a comprehensive job of Smart Gay Fanboy Oscar coverage - including a “visit” from tight-grinned Oscar bridesmaid Annette Bening!

Best Picture

Prediction: In years where there’s no clear frontrunner, I find that it’s safest to bet on the movie I liked the least. This year, that’s Little Miss Sunshine.
Preference: The Depaaaahted

Best Director

Prediction: They can’t deny Scorsese again. If they do, I can picture Joe Pesci sticking Eastwood’s head in a vise and gouging out his eye, like in Casino.
Preference: Marty.

Best Actor

Prediction: Forest Whitaker. Although everyone’s going to be a little sad for one-foot-in-the-grave Peter O’Toole on the night of his eighth loss.
Preference: What a weak fucking category this year. Gosling rocked, but if he wins, he’ll probably make some self-righteous speech about Darfur. Do I lose my snob card if I admit that I thought Will Smith was brilliant?

Actress

Prediction: Helen Mirren. She’s such a sure thing that Dame Judi isn’t even showing up.
Preference: Nothing beats Kate Winslet’s bleacher freakout in Little Children.

Continue reading ‘And the Oscar goes to… “trashed”’