Archive for the 'Films' Category

Everybody say “ho!”

Published by Rob on February 16, 2007 in Bitches, Career Suicide, Celebs and Films. 0 Comments

factory-girl-poster.jpgAnd USA Today wins the award for Most Unfortunate Headline of the week.

For those who’ve seen Factory Girl (my apologies if you have - it’s dreadful), didn’t Sienna’s two-tone hair, buck teeth and raccoon eyes call to mind none other than Amy Sedaris as Jerri Blank? Every time Sienna-as-Edie would throw one of her amphetamine-induced tantrums, I kept picturing Jerri running into a large public gathering and screaming, “I got somethin’ to say!”

Hayden Christensen’s performance as the Bob Dylan manque will lose him many future roles. He needs to exclusively play petulant, unsympathetic Ivy League undergrads and retire by 30.

What’s a two-letter word for Sienna Miller? [USA Today]

PEN15 Drippings: Post-Valentine’s Day Catch-Up Edition

Published by Rob on February 15, 2007 in Career Suicide, Celebs and Films. 0 Comments

ryan_seacrest.jpgJennifer Holliday emerges from her Harlem shut-in pad to sing “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going” on Oscar night…exclusively on the E! pre-show. Sad. I can’t wait to see Seacrest struggle to resist his urge to cream all over the red carpet. [L.A. Times]

Ben Affleck’s gone straight to DVD! Douche chill! [Amazon]

Troglodyte asshat Tim Hardaway unwittingly opens up an interesting discussion of what it’s like to be a gay professional athlete. [Towleroad]

Somebody put Todd Haynes’ amazing, illegal Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story on line. Watch it before Karen’s estate gets its knickers in a twist and has it taken down. [YouTube]

This is old news, but truly: Can you get enough of Sharon Stone? [LiveLeak]

PEN15 Drippings: 2/7/07

Published by Rob on February 7, 2007 in Celebs, Films and News. 0 Comments

drewlondon01.jpg Drew Barrymore and Zach Braff each seem to have taken a, shall we say, comprehensive approach to dating other celebrities. So it was only a matter of time before they roundheeled their way to each other. You know they had a romantic comedy-style meet-cute in which Drew was carrying a cafeteria tray, and Zach slammed into her because his nose was stuck in a book of Shakespeare’s sonnets. Drew looked adorable covered in mashed potatoes and ham steak, and it was love. [Page Six]

Ghost Rider is the most expensive film ever to not pre-screen for critics?! But I thought Nicolas Cage had an unerring eye for quality projects! And that the writer-director of Daredevil would really find his voice with this one. [NY Post]

John Amaechi is one gay guy for whom “laying up” doesn’t mean fucking someone who makes more money than you do. [OutSports]

Diane Keaton wears out her welcome: ’00s edition

Published by Rob on February 1, 2007 in Celebs and Films. 0 Comments

becauseisaidso.jpgIf you were a movie fan in, say, 1978, which of the reigning female movie icons would you have expected to still be starring in big-budget releases in her 60s? Jill Clayburgh? Julie Christie? Jane Fonda? Goldie Hawn? Marsha Mason (God forbid)? The fact is, 61-year-old Diane Keaton has maintained a leading lady longevity well beyond any actress alive. 30 years after Annie Hall - and 35 years after The Godfather - Diane still snags top billing in big-studio releases, such as this weekend’s Super Bowl counterprogramming, Because I Said So.

And though we’re glad studios think Diane can still open a movie - and coming after a year in which Meryl Streep was the only woman to topline a $100 million blockbuster, why shouldn’t she? - we have to admit that this particular vehicle looks like it could put an end to Diane’s most recent resurgence.

And frankly, it’s about time. One reason Keaton is still vital is that she’s had more comebacks than Jesus. Duds like Mrs. Soffel and The Little Drummer Girl killed her initial hot streak in the ’80s. Then she came back with Baby Boom, until The Lemon Sisters banished her into thankless Father of the Bride-ville. Then she resurged with The First Wives Club and Marvin’s Room, only to cool off again. 2003’s Something’s Gotta Give gave Diane her fourth Oscar nod and a $125 million smash, and she followed it up to some degree of success with The Family Stone.

Each decade, it seems, Keaton’s career revs up and then stalls. And the reviews for her latest vehicle suggest that the latest burst of Keaton love is losing steam - along with this hilarious deconstruction of her recent “hysterical mom who finds love at an advanced age while wearing gloves and hats” oeuvre from Fametracker. The always-astute Fasthugs has also published a funny, if not particularly timely, review of Something’s Gotta Give that nails why Keaton’s Granny Hall shtick has grown limiting.

So, for political reasons, we want Because I Said So to do well this weekend, because its financial successes will ensure more opportunities for actresses Diane’s age. But we wouldn’t be caught dead seeing it.

Upcoming Diane Keaton movies [Fametracker]
Finding unintended camp in Jack Nicholson’s ass [Fasthugs]

Hayden will do anything to convince us he’s straight

Published by Rob on January 31, 2007 in Career Suicide, Celebs, Famous PEN15s and Films. 0 Comments

artnetnews1-17-3.jpgAnd Harvey Weinstein will do anything to create publicity for Factory Girl in the wake of a disastrous series of late-inning reshoots and a stillborn Oscar campaign for Sienna Miller (insert air-wank motion here).
Now Haydenstein is floating the idea that the sex scene in which Sienna’s Edie Sedgwick and Hayden’s Bob Dylan-like character do it was actual, unsimulated coitus. Between Hayden Christensen. And a woman.

I realize that, with lousy reviews from the few critics who’ve seen the only recently-finalized version, Factory Girl is going to have a hard time competing at art houses when it opens outside L.A. this Friday. And Hayden will take any chance he can get to convince folks he’s all about the pussy.

But in the process, they’re sullying the good name of a serious actress and respectable young lady. Oh, wait - for a second, I forgot we were talking about Sienna Miller. Carry on.

‘Factory’ is seen as fully unionized [New York Daily News]

Anne and Nicole on separate collision courses

Published by Rob on January 25, 2007 in Bitches, Career Suicide, Celebs, Films and TV. 0 Comments

captny11301251920people_kidman_ny113.jpg Sad news today for Nicole Kidman, who was taken to the hospital after a car accident on the set of her upcoming film The Invasion. What’s sad isn’t just the crash itself - although we feel bad for Nic; doesn’t she shatter easily? - it’s that they’re still shooting The Invasion, a moribund-sounding Invasion of the Body Snatchers ripoff that was originally supposed to be released last August. Oh well, at least it means Nicole gets to spend more time on set with Daniel Craig. Mmmm, Daniel Craig…

In more metaphorical Celebrity Car Wreck news, what are we to make of the fact that Celestia Heche has dumped her husbear (the adorably named Coleman “Coley” Laffoon) for her Men in Trees co-star, James Tupper? Is Anne done with pussy forever? Is this just a publicity stunt to drum up ratings for Trees, which loses boatloads of viewers from its Grey’s Anatomy lead-in? Maybe they should just get Cynthia Stevenson to call Anne a dyke in front of some reporters.

Kidman in crash during L.A. movie shoot [AP]
Anne Heche leaves husband for co-star [I’m Not Obsessed]

PEN15 Drippings: Post-Oscar nod edition

Published by Rob on January 24, 2007 in Bitches, Celebs, Films and Oscar Fever. 0 Comments

_41683612_cruz_volver203.jpgROB’S NOTE: Okay, so I wrote this beautiful Oscar nomination prediction post and saved it as “private” when I thought it had been published, and didn’t realize my mistake until today. But I seriously did write it before the fact. I even got some key predictions wrong (hello, Dreamgirls). Anyway, read it now and then come back to this. Thanks. Sorry for the fuckup.

So has Beyonce’s mom put a hit out on Jennifer Hudson yet? I love the idea that Miss Knowles and Jamie Foxx’s blahness dragged all of Dreamgirls down and out of the Best Picture race. [Hollywood Elsewhere]

Can somebody explain to me what the fuck is going to win Best Picture now? The Departed is too genre, Babel is too low-grossing and Letters from Iwo Jima is too soon (as in too soon to give it to yet another movie involving Clint Eastwood and/or Paul Haggis). My money’s on (groan) Little Miss Sunshine. [Hollywood Reporter]

Salma Hayek’s “Everybody gets a car”-esque reaction to her amiga Penelope’s completely expected Best Actress nomination does little to quell rumors about their hot, Lesb-atina love affair. [YouTube]

The always-pertinent Tom O’Neil makes the point that you can’t blame the Dreamgirls omission on racism by counting the nominated minorities. Oscar is colorblind, Tom. It just hates the gays. [The Envelope]

Oscar nomination eve or, let’s get some money up in here

Published by Rob on January 22, 2007 in Celebs, Films and Oscar Fever. 1 Comment

departed-2.jpgIt’s Oscar nomination eve. And because everyone who follows the yearly blood-and-heartbreak spectacle of Oscar season knows that finding out the nominees is the fun part, I’m gonna lay it all on the line now. Hold me to these predictions, folks. Here’s who I think is getting hysterical calls from their publicists tomorrow morning at 5:30 PST (Jordan, set your alarm).

Best Picture

  • Babel - “Como se dice Crash 2?”
  • The Departed - Pissah
  • Dreamgirls - And I am telling you a grotesque whitewashing of the rise of black music in America is likely to win
  • Little Miss Sunshine - I knew Sideways, and it’s no Sideways. But people seem to love it.
  • The Queen - Who can resist a tabloid tale, brilliantly told, in a classy package?

Best Director

  • Bill Condon, Dreamgirls - Keepin’ it gay
  • Clint Eastwood, Letters from Iwo Jima - It’s Clint, it’s depressing, it’s in Japanese, it’s in!
  • Stephen Frears, The Queen - A lot of good titles on his CV
  • Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Babel - I can’t wait to hear Ang Lee pronounce this one
  • Martin Scorsese, The Departed - Who will break Marty’s heart this year?

Best Actor

  • Leonardo DiCaprio, The Departed - Competing with himself for Blood Diamond is unlikely to be an issue, since everyone hated Blood Diamond
  • Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson - Crack is whack. Voters will find a new outlet for the promise they used to see in Edward Norton.
  • Peter O’Toole, Venus - His recent personal appearances are the best argument for teetotaling since Dina Lohan
  • Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness - Who else could rock an intimate drama about life on the bread line to $150 mil and counting?
  • Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland - Idi Amin-motherfucker

Continue reading ‘Oscar nomination eve or, let’s get some money up in here’

“Children” of the year

Published by Rob on January 8, 2007 in Films and Oscar Fever. 0 Comments

childrenofmen2.jpgI don’t have much to kvetch about today, so I figured I’d direct everybody’s attention to what I think are the two best movies of 2006, both of which expanded into more cities this past weekend.

First of all, Children of Men, directed by Alfonso Cuaron, is now in wide release, and it’s as good as you’ve heard. In fact, I’m even more enamored with it than I was with Cuaron’s Y Tu Mama Tambien, and that had extended full frontal nudity by Gael Garcia Bernal and Diego Luna. But every shot of this bleak yet gallows-funny portrait of the not-too-distant future contains so much wit, horror and sadness that I can’t wait to see it again. This YouTube montage - a last-ditch viral marketing attempt by Universal to get the movie a Best Picture nomination? - sums it up pretty well, although it’s spoiler-heavy.

Second of all, Little Children, directed by Todd Field, has finally expanded into a few more theaters after three months of steady business in the top markets (it’s in its jaw-dropping twelfth week at the Landmark theater here in Cambridge). In fact, I’m even more enamored with it than I was with Field’s In the Bedroom, and that had Sissy Spacek breaking dishes and giving Marisa Tomei a vicious face-slapping. Kate Winslet is going to get her fifth Oscar nomination for this movie, and she should win, because she reminds you of aspects of yuppy mom malaise you forgot existed in one of the best-ever cinematic portrayals of Privileged Straight Female Ambivalence. And she’s just one of the movie’s large, flawless ensemble. Plus, there’s Patrick Wilson’s ass.

I don’t think either of these movies will make the Best Picture cut at Oscar time. That Little Miss Sunshine was so darling, don’tcha know, and Dreamgirls! You go, sister! And that’s a ridiculous shame. These are both totally accessible Hollywood movies, in a way. But they challenged me to think longer and deeper about our world now - procreation and the passing on of generational anxieties is of crucial importance in both, as is the the phrase “homeland security” - than anything else in a long while.

So go see them, dammit! Yes, I know Stomp the Yard comes out on Friday. You can wait for the DVD.

Why ‘Children of Men’ should be nominated for Best Picture [YouTube]

The PEN15 is stuffed

Published by Rob on December 28, 2006 in Bitches, Celebs, Films and Potpourri. 0 Comments

nicolekeithsydney.jpgSorry for the yuletide silence, but we’ve been too busy sitting on our parents’ couches and developing bigger, better, newer rolls of fat in celebration of our lord and savior Jesus Christ. Any more butterfat, and we’ll be as shiny as Nicole Kidman. Or as obese as Donald Trump can’t stop reminding everyone that Rosie is. (Aren’t you comforted by the fact that comedians on talk shows can no longer make fun of arrogant, toupeed blowhards without being subjected to a firestorm of homophobic and misogynist logorrhea?).

Whatever. We know you bitches were too busy contributing to Dreamgirls’ torrid box office take (and we don’t mean “torrid” as in the store for fashionable young fattes). Isn’t Beyonce seeming more and more, shall we say, “touched in the head” with every interview? I love her sob story of how she forced herself to lose 20 pounds for the role, because Motown was really all about heroin chic.

If you like, tide yourself over by reading a bit of me at Pajiba, which we love. Merry post-Xmas!

Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban spend Christmas in Australia [Celebitchy]
Rosie O’Donnell compares Donald Trump to a ‘pimp’ [People]
‘Dreamgirls’ daily box office [Box Office Mojo]
Notes on a Scandal [Pajiba]