Archive for the 'PEN15s' Category

Who’s the Bossy power bottom?

Published by Jordan on January 6, 2007 in Anal, Celebs, Famous PEN15s, PEN15s and TV. 6 Comments

dannypIt’s the one story that Perez Hilton can’t scoop because he’s not one for irony and it would be like pot calling the rosebud dewy.

Perhaps there’s a time in every gay child star’s life where he actually thinks people forget what he looks like, and that he might be able to get away with posting nude pictures of himself on a m4m hookup site (links NSFW). But did little Danny Pintauro really expect all of us gays to not recognize those vacant doe eyes, magnificent dimples, and partially obscured Danza. No sir!

I for one recall having a terrible crush on young Jonathan Bower way back when Judith Light had a full head of glorious hair. And before you call me a pervert, keep in mind that I was actually younger than Jonathan Bower at the time. But it’s so nice to know that the lad has grown to fill out a jock strap so nicely! I do feel bad, however, that he’s not off jet setting around with a somewhat elderly, rich, tanning bed queen, and is instead trolling adam4adam for action, but at least we know he’s not spending all his residuals getting his chest waxed.

It does baffle me that he didn’t make a reference to his stint on Circus of the Stars in the personal ad. Maybe if he highlighted his trapeze skills, he’d have a better response rate.

He’s the Boss? [Pink is the New Blog]
Perez Hilton Exposed [Faded Youth]

Heath’s a dad - Jake feigns support

Published by Jordan on November 3, 2005 in Celebs, News and PEN15s. 0 Comments

HledgerOver the weekend, Michelle Williams gave birth to her and Heath Ledger’s first baby, a girl. In a strange twist of life imitating art, Heath’s Brokeback Mountain co-star and on-screen lover Jake Gyllenhaal delivered the following statement: “Heath wears his heart on his shoulder. [With] that kind of sensitivity and strength his child will feel safe.”

Oh, the tragedy! You can almost taste Jake’s hurt and jealousy! Those are unquestionably the words of a scorned lover. Jake, did you feel safe while biting into Heath’s meaty man-shoulders while he rode you on camera? Did you think there was even a little part of it that was more than Heath’s thrust at an Oscar?

Baby girl for Heath Ledger, Michelle Williams [People]

Bea all you can Bea

Published by Jordan on September 7, 2005 in Bitches, Celebs and PEN15s. 5 Comments

BeaAccording to Radar Magazine, Bea Arthur stormed out of the Pamela Anderson Friar’s Club roast because Jeffrey Ross made a comment about her having a penis.

First of all, what the fuck was Bea Arthur doing at Pam Anderson’s roast?! Secondly, why does she look like George Washington in this picture? And finally, wouldn’t you think that after decades and decades of people joking about you being man, you’d just swallow your pride and accept that everyone knows about your penis?

Balls Out Bea [Radar]

“There are three inches of me that is still a virgin.”

Published by Jordan on August 4, 2005 in PEN15s. 3 Comments

Img.AspAfter all, it IS the PEN15 Club, and we don’t spend nearly enough time talking exclusively about the namesake of this site.

So, I was doing a little, uh, research on a problem that, uh, runs in someone else’s family, and I ran across this article and laughed for a solid four minutes. And then I cried for completely different reasons.

This nice guy is lamenting about having an annoyingly large penis. First of all, the fact that he can actually name one problem about having a gigantic schlong that isn’t completely outweighed by all of the virtues is proof that he’s straight. Second, just look at the guy, would you? I mean, there’s something about him that just screams, “I have a donkey cock.” I can’t tell how tall he is, but you just know if you saw that guy walking down the street, he’s bouncing somethin’ of the knees. Is the graph really suggesting he’s sporting 12.25″ of muscle rope? Is there some correlation between how saggy and striking your facial features are and how saggy and striking your man tube is?

I mean, if a guy who looked like this ended up next to me at the urinal, I would have to think on my feet pretty quickly. I’m not as dumb as the dudes he talks about in his article - I’m far less straight forward. Instead, I’d probably say something brilliant like, “Water’s sure warm over here!” and as his eyes well up with tears of laughter, I’d whip out my sketchpad and capture the monster on paper for all eternity. Or maybe I would just take out my pan flute and hope I can charm it over to my side of the divider. Or try to trap it inside a jar with a piece of paper covering the lid. I don’t know. There’s a lot to be worked out.

I’d like to make it clear that I am not some horn dog just jonesing to see dick whenever possible. I’m really just curious to see such a marvel. It’s why people drive from across the country to see Redwood National Park. There are plenty of big trees near by, but you just want to marvel at the biggest God had to offer. Which is precisely why I’m so upset this guy didn’t include a picture with his article. In the name of good journalism, you wouldn’t write about great ships and not show the Titianic!

Thoughts?

Having huge penis not so great [The Phat Phree]