Archive for the 'Politics' Category

Coming second

Published by Jordan on May 19, 2008 in Politics. 4 Comments

I’ve spent the last four days referring to myself as the Gay Marriage Fairy. Despite the obvious pun (I’m totally not married. Get it?), the name is accurate because I’m pretty sure that I’m the only person (ever) to have lived in both Massachusetts and California for their respective gay marriageifications. And in both places, I was at the forefront of the historic judicial decisions. In Boston, I stood on the steps of the State House with my then boyfriend Dave, taunting the swarm of queer-frightened elderly that were reboarding their god-bus headed back to irrelevancy. And in California, I was at the forefront of the battle for relief from my wicked hangover, which reared its ugly head again as my co-worker yelled, “Hey! I think they just legalized gay marriage in California! Congratulations!”

Congratulations. Don’t get me wrong, it was a nice sentiment. And I was touched that he was indeed more excited about the ruling than I was. But isn’t congratulating a 26-year-old, whose longest relationship topped out at six months, akin to congratulating Abigail Breslin on ten years of sobriety? I felt a little bit like someone handed me an inscribed Mitch Albom book as a congratulatory token for graduating high school 2000 years later than the rest of the kids, even though I wasn’t yet enrolled. I sort of felt like an “I’m sorry you missed getting to be married during the ’80s” would have been a bit more appropriate.

I guess there’s something to be said about one state being an anomaly, and two states being a trend, but I can’t help but to feel as though it’s much less real and meaningful coming in second on the biggest thing to happen to gay rights since, well, Guerilla Gay Bar. When gay marriage came to Massachusetts, it gave every gay person in the country a bizarre sensation of anxiety that comes with the option to be “normal.” Most gays spend a great chuck of their lives coming to terms with the fact that they’ll have to live “modified” lives. For so many, the thought of not being able to achieve the ideal of a white picket fence, gray-faced golden retriever, and collection of cable-knit sweaters is what keeps them peering through the closet keyhole for so long. Having that option suddenly set on the table was like being a well-rehearsed understudy called in to play the leading role for the first time.

And now having that in California kind of just means you can do all of that with a tan, right?

I don’t mean to downplay the significance of Thursday’s ruling. It was surely an incredible thing. I guess I’m actually just amazed that it’s starting to feel kind of normal being included in the land of normalcy. My generation is likely the last to know what it’s like the be legislatively marginalized for being gay. It’s intriguing to think of how that will that change us as a community. And more importantly, who will we gays get to repress in order to make ourselves feel better about our own marriages?

From the moment the ruling was read in Boston, I immediately fast-forwarded to the endgame. There was no turning back. Gay marriage was here to stay, and before long, it would be everywhere. Like Shia Labeouf. So now I have to remind myself that until that last state gives in (you know it’s going to be Florida), there’s going to be a lot of significant battles that will need our focus. And to do my part, I’m dusting off my Gay Marriage Fairy wings and movin’ to Idaho. 

PEN15 Drippings: 3/18/08

Published by Rob on March 18, 2008 in Celebs, Drippings, Films and Politics. 6 Comments

Barack Obama severs ties with his nutty ex-pastor by talking for, like, a really long time about his church. Like, a really long time. And this PEN15er takes comfort in the knowledge that when Hillary Clinton shows up at Senate prayer breakfasts, it’s for purely cynical, political purposes. [You Tube]

John Krasinski give the cutest straight-guy Advocate interview ever. No seriously, ever. [The Advocate]

Another awful, shocking death of someone who made a lasting contribution to what passes for mainstream queer cinema. How excellent a filmmaker was Anthony Minghella? He briefly turned Ralph Fiennes and Kristin Scott Thomas into sex symbols. He basically gave us Jude Law (which, until a couple years ago, was a good thing). And his The Talented Mr. Ripley is the main reason why I secretly think Matt Damon is the best movie actor of his generation. [Variety]

Jordan rides the Obama train…

Published by Jordan on February 4, 2008 in Politics. 7 Comments

I’m Jordan, and I endorse Barack Obama as the Democratic candidate for the United States of America.As a member of the last generation of Americans who realizes that there hasn’t yet been a black President, I’m excited by the prospect of Obama being the first. He’s even much more handsome and white-acting than all of those black Presidents on the TV! And if being alifetime watcher of Fox’s Bones has taught me anything, life definitely imitates art. An Obama nomination is practically inevitable.

I must admit I am enchanted by Hillary’s strategically-weathered facade. As a young, gay professional, women like Hillary are my bread and butter - the one that could totally bust balls all day at work, and then somehow beat you to the bar, finishing her second G&T beforeyou can even get the bartender’s attention. She’d probably talk shit about her ex-girlfriends, refer to Condi in the masculine, and totally have something funny to say about the day’s Hot Topics on The View. I’m usually smitten with broads like that within seconds.

In the real world, men like Obama, conversely, make me nervous - tall, attractive, confident, well-dressed, straight, and super interested in your well-being. Call me a skeptic, but I’m skeptical. He probably doesn’t drink, either, which generally means he’d never laugh at my jokes and would probably be offended within 10 minutes of meeting me. He strikes me as the kind of guy that would generally want to show me affection, but would do so by trying to do one of those straight-guy-high-five-turned-hand-shake combos that scare the living shit out of me.

But here’s the thing: I want that guy to be President. One of the things that draws me most to Hillary is that she shares my level of thoughtful cynicism, but that’s also the one thing I don’t want our next President to have. Not an ounce of it. I want him or her to see the empty page that starts the next chapter of American politics and fill it up with whatever great ideas his or her well-intentioned heart dreams up.

I feel like Hillary would trace lines on the page and begin to write out a very liberal, very intelligent to-do list, laboring over every word as though all of American history’s past and future were critiquing her handwriting.

With the same page, I imagine Obama would start by turning the book sideways. Or even upside-down. Then, maybe he’d trace his hand, make it into a turkey, and then write an adorably smart haiku about turkeys underneath. Then, he’d turn the page and invite Vice President John Edwards to join him in a game of hang man. Because why not?

There’s plenty of time for The Same Old Stuff, but there’s rarely an opportunity to start off so fresh, inspired, and enlivened.

Oh, and he’s handsome as hell and could probably give Cheney a run for his money in the shorts department, if you know what I mean. That’s worth something, right?

…while Rob still likes it Clinton-style

Published by Rob on February 4, 2008 in Politics. 6 Comments

The cool kids want you to feel guilty about supporting Clinton (I’ll call her Hillary when you start referring to McCain as “John”), but I challenge anyone to sell me on Barack Obama without using the words “hope,” “change,” “unity,” “Kennedy” or “poetry.” Or without dusting off the old “She voted in favor of the war” gambit, which is a tough pill to swallow, but ultimately less important five years later than some would like us to think.

La Clinton isn’t sexy or idealistic. Thank God. (Besides, what candidate could be as sexy as, sigh, John Edwards?) Every time somebody criticizes her for being calculating and entitled, I’m like, “Fuck yeah. Right on.” Anyone who thinks Obama is going to swoop in, overhaul a lazy, ineffectual Congress, and “unify” our great fractured nation by remaining true to his ideals is in for a world of disappointment. Here in Massachusetts, Gov. Deval Patrick ran a similar campaign and found himself hamstrung by a contrarian legislature once he took office.

Clinton, on the other hand, seems like an easier lay. She knows that compromising in order to get 75% of your goal is better than holding out for 100% and ending up with 0. Yes, she’s “divisive” and “polarizing.” Guess what – come General Election time, so are both candidates. Every time.

The fun thing about this race is that, since both Clinton and Obama have similar levels of experience (at least in terms of actual elected public office) and stances on the issues (neither is more than politely gay-friendly, and we have no way of knowing, really, if either can avert the coming economic meltdown or salvage the Iraq-tastrophe), it genuinely is a war of personality. And to my eyes, Clinton wins that race hands down.

Obama may inspire ex-hippie snail trails at rallies, but Clinton deserves an Oscar for just about every debate performance she’s given. This is where the haters who call her chilly and overly rehearsed need to eat their hats. She’s a great quipper. When faced with that awful, sexist likability question, followed by a churlish Edwards/Obama gang-up during the January 5 debate, Clinton’s response was so riveting I half-expected her to break a dish and scream like Sissy Spacek in In the Bedroom. Her laser-beam takedowns of Wolf Blitzer’s WWE tactics during the January 31 debate (“Nice try, Wolf”) were a hoot. If she loses the nomination, I kind of want her to guest star as Barney’s mom on How I Met Your Mother.

I have no doubt that Barack Obama is a smart, moral guy with good ideas about how to turn our country around. But at heart, I’m still, as Jack Donaghy would say, a “godless, glassy-eyed Clintonista.” I’m pretty sure that after one of the Axis of Evil nukes us into oblivion, all that’s left standing will be the three C’s: Cher, cockroaches and the Clintons.

Out-aholism

Published by Rob on July 12, 2007 in Celebs, Famous PEN15s and Politics. 0 Comments

shemar.jpgIt’s been a good week for the (sometimes literal) denuding of public figures’ homosexuality. Just as we’ve gotten our pulses back to normal in the wake of Perez Hilton’s ongoing coverage of the Wentworth Miller/Luke McFarlane* relationship, we have those yummy (NSFW) Shemar Moore** nude beach photos and the hilarious men’s room shenanigans of Rep. Bob Allen (from the appropriately wang-shaped state of Florida), a McCain campaign co-chair.

I love how Presidential elections always seem to precipitate the outing of sweaty Republican closet cases. More to come in ‘08, please!

*Would anyone know who Luke was if it weren’t for his high-profile boyfriends? He’s like the gay Angie Everhart.

**How gay is the picture of Shemar above? He looks like he’s about to guest star on a very special episode of Noah’s Arc.

Who wants to see Shemar Moore naked? [Perez Hilton]
Florida Rep. Bob Allen to discuss men’s room activities [Towleroad]

PEN15 Drippings: 3/5/07

Published by Rob on March 5, 2007 in Bitches, Career Suicide, Celebs, Drippings, Films and Politics. 3 Comments

30413491_edwards0309s.jpgWe were asleep at the switch during Tranny Annie’s latest stunt (why Ms. Coulter, we LOVE the way your Adam’s apple trembles when you say “faggot!”). All we could think about is how awesome it would be if super-dreamy John Edwards were gay. Here, Aaron Shure makes a good case for Coulter as the real-life Borat. Meanwhile, in London, a naked Daniel Radcliffe goes on trial for blinding six Ann Coulters in Equus. [Huffington Post]

Royal rapscallions Wills and Harry have fun with the QE2 voicemail. Poor Liz - first Helen Mirren, now this! [Monsters and Critics]

America loves gay panic jokes! Faced with the option of seeing Wild Hogs, a star vehicle for John Travolta, Martin Lawrence and Tim Allen, audiences decided that three wrongs, in this case, make a right. Reviews site an overwhelming reliance on comic “misunderstandings” that cause Travolta, Lawrence, Allen and William H. Macy’s characters to be mistaken for (the horror!) gays. Between this and his upcoming drag role in Hairspray, Revolta’s closet issues are writ large in multiplexes this year. In this case, they also kicked the ass of David Fincher’s Zodiac, which is A) brilliant and B) features much hotter actors. Go figure. [Box Office Mojo]

Hysterical breeder paranoia infects Massachusetts legislature

Published by Rob on January 2, 2007 in News and Politics. 4 Comments

captmaea10201021956gay_marriage_maea102.jpg Not that I’m planning on getting married anytime soon anyway, but is there anything more depressing than acheiving genuine social progress only to let it potentially backslide?

Only in Massachusetts could the will of such a small legislative minority (in this case, the Republicans, needing only 25% of the vote to advance the measure) threaten this much damage. And just when we’d finally come to our senses and elected a Democrat governor.
The worst part of this is envisioning the schadenfreude-induced spasms of exultant self-abuse that will surely be going on between Kerry Healey and her shower nozzle tomorrow morning. No, scratch that. The worst part is that any victory on the part of foam-mouthed, Bible-thumping, “Won’t someone please think of the children?!” fascists is just going to help convince Der Romneyfeuhrer that he can be President.

And that is a scary, scary thing.

Mass. lawmakers vote on gay marriage [AP]

Stefano Gabbana bites the hand that holdes the Amex

Published by Jordan on December 11, 2006 in News, Politics, Rants and Style. 9 Comments

gabbanaDear Leatherface,

I don’t really have the right to talk because the only thing I’ve ever owned by Dolce & Gabbana was a well-used print ad from a 1998 copy of “Out” magazine, which my 16-year-old self kept folded up in the glove compartment of his Oldsmobile. It was there to remind me that there were marketers who actually valued the gay community, and that one day I might be able to form the pelvic ‘vee’ that is so necessary for owning a pair of your lovely, low-rise dungarees.

But today, I read on the interweb that you don’t think gay couples make good parents. In fact, you even used the same rhetoric employed by what we here in the U.S. like to call the Radical Right: the whole idea that children need to have a mother and a father in order to be healthy and, uh, not self-loathing.

Now don’t get me wrong. It’s fine with me that your incredible ego drives you to desire a child that is the “fruit of [your] sperm” rather than those low-rent pretend children born in fly-over countries, but don’t you think that if your head gets any bigger, you’re going to have a hard time fitting it through the neck-hole of your own clothing?

Here’s the deal: fuck you. You may have some terrible, skewed, Brian Kinney-esque impression of the gay community, but not all of us spent our young adulthoods blowing rails of coke off anonymous asses in bathroom stalls and thinking that “open” relationships are more healthy than monogamous ones. Some of us do aspire to create a family with our partner, and nurture a child in the same loving atmosphere that we were brought up by our boring, hetero parents. I applaud you for recognizing that children need a solid family for a healthy upbringing, but I think you’re kind of a cock for thinking that’s only attainable for straights.

Do you really think it’ll actually be healthier for your child if he had to stay with Mommy while Daddy went to Ibiza the man he really loves? Gimme a freakin’ break.

The gays are going to boycott you now. And I don’t blame them. No more pink dollar for you! But good luck making a new line of 40×30 jeans to fit your new best friends in the Bible belt.

Love,

Jordan

Gay designer Gabbana is against same sex parents [Daily Mail] via Towleroad

Mary Cheney’s turkey baster is spent

Published by Rob on December 6, 2006 in Gunts, News and Politics. 2 Comments

ph2006120600512.jpgLook, we’re really glad that a high-profile same-sex couple is embarking on parenthood.

But did it have to be turncoat/Auntie Tom Mary Cheney? She’s the kind of person who would issue a press release about her impending motherhood and then support her father in claiming that the story was a homophobic Democrat conspiracy.

Normally, if a famous lesbian couple got pregnant, we would be excited about the eventual possibilites - that the spawn would grow to become a sitcom star/board chair of a gay rights-oriented nonprofit. But with Mary, we’re kind of convinced they’re going to birth a future oil company CEO named Trent.

Couldn’t Ellen have knocked up Portia?

Mary Cheney and partner are about to be moms [Washington Post]

PEN15 Drippings: Post-election afterglow edition

Published by Rob on November 8, 2006 in Bitches, Celebs, Drippings, Films, Politics and TV. 1 Comment

Pat-1 Sorry for the lack of updates this week, kids. We’re adjusting to the pleasant shock of a Democrat-controlled Congress, and the schadenfreude coma has left us asleep at our computers.

But how’s this for a November surprise? On Election Day, Warner released Thou Shalt Laugh, a new concert DVD showcase of Christian stand-up comedians. You know, the unfunny kind. It makes me think of that old Simpsons episode in which Rod and Todd Flanders tell their father that they won’t be going to church, and when Ned asks why, they respond, “It’s Saturday!” Expect the humor to be about at that level. Luckily, professional Christian Patricia Heaton took time off from her new career of fellating stem cells in order to act as hostess. Can my eyeballs stop bleeding now? [thoushaltlaugh.com]

I’ve long considered Ashley Judd to be one of Hollywood’s most unsung Batshit Crazy Celebs. Her repellent account of visiting sister Wynonna in the loony bin and deciding she just had to be bipolar as well - tearfully recounted in the pages of Redbook or some equivalent chick rag - was a real low point. (Along with, of course, De-Lovely.) After her whacked-out appearance on The View yesterday, others are starting to agree. [Datalounge]

That decades-rumored remake of The Women starring Smegma Ryan once again threatens to crawl out of development hell. Meg, we think it’s cute that you still employ a publicist, but can you ask her to let this cruel joke die already? [Dark Horizons]