It’s Oscar nomination eve. And because everyone who follows the yearly blood-and-heartbreak spectacle of Oscar season knows that finding out the nominees is the fun part, I’m gonna lay it all on the line now. Hold me to these predictions, folks. Here’s who I think is getting hysterical calls from their publicists tomorrow morning at 5:30 PST (Jordan, set your alarm).
Best Picture
- Babel - “Como se dice Crash 2?”
- The Departed - Pissah
- Dreamgirls - And I am telling you a grotesque whitewashing of the rise of black music in America is likely to win
- Little Miss Sunshine - I knew Sideways, and it’s no Sideways. But people seem to love it.
- The Queen - Who can resist a tabloid tale, brilliantly told, in a classy package?
Best Director
- Bill Condon, Dreamgirls - Keepin’ it gay
- Clint Eastwood, Letters from Iwo Jima - It’s Clint, it’s depressing, it’s in Japanese, it’s in!
- Stephen Frears, The Queen - A lot of good titles on his CV
- Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Babel - I can’t wait to hear Ang Lee pronounce this one
- Martin Scorsese, The Departed - Who will break Marty’s heart this year?
Best Actor
- Leonardo DiCaprio, The Departed - Competing with himself for Blood Diamond is unlikely to be an issue, since everyone hated Blood Diamond
- Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson - Crack is whack. Voters will find a new outlet for the promise they used to see in Edward Norton.
- Peter O’Toole, Venus - His recent personal appearances are the best argument for teetotaling since Dina Lohan
- Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness - Who else could rock an intimate drama about life on the bread line to $150 mil and counting?
- Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland - Idi Amin-motherfucker
Continue reading ‘Oscar nomination eve or, let’s get some money up in here’
